10 WAYS ON HOW TO SPOT A TOXIC PARTNER in A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
There are a lot of phenomenal studies on the traits and characteristics of psychopaths. A quick Internet search will lead you to them. The red flags in this article are intended to supplement these resources.
So what’s different about this list? Well, for one, it’s specifically about relationships. But it’s also about you. Each point requires introspection and self-awareness. Because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior—that’s only half the battle. You must also come to recognize the looming red flags in your own heart. Then you will be ready for anything.
1. Gaslighting and crazy-making.
They blatantly deny their own
manipulative behavior and ignore evidence when confronted with it.
They become dismissive and critical if you attempt to disprove their fabrications with facts. Instead of them actually addressing their inappropriate behavior, somehow it always becomes your fault for being “sensitive” and “crazy.” Toxic people condition you to believe that the problem isn’t the abuse itself, but instead your reactions to their abuse.
2. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s, for that
matter.
You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly. You slowly learn not to communicate your feelings with them,
because you’re usually met with silence or annoyance.
3. The ultimate hypocrite. “Do as I say, not as I do.”
They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, criticize, and manipulate. But you are expected to remain perfect, otherwise you will promptly be replaced and deemed unstable.
4. Pathological lying and excuses.
There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They constantly blame others, it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it. Even when caught in a lie, they express no remorse or
embarrassment. Oftentimes, it almost seems as if they wanted you to catch them.
5. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own.
If they’re two hours late, don’t forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date.
If you point out their inappropriate behavior, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you. You might begin to adopt perfectionist qualities, very aware that any mistake can and will be used against you.
6. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man or woman.
Normal people understand fundamental
concepts like honesty and kindness. Psychopaths often appear to be childlike and innocent, but don’t let this mask fool you. No adult should
need to be told how he or she is making other people feel.
7. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention.
They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is
insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.
8. Accuses you of feeling emotions that they are intentionally
provoking.
They call you jealous after blatantly flirting with an ex, often done over social networking for the entire world to see. They call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for days on end. They use your manufactured reactions to garner sympathy from other targets,trying to prove how “hysterical” you’ve become. You probably once considered yourself to be an exceptionally easygoing person, but an encounter with a psychopath will (temporarily) turn that notion upside down.
9. You find yourself playing detective.
It’s never happened in any other
relationship, but suddenly you’re investigating the person you once trusted unconditionally. If they’re active on Facebook, you start scrolling back years on their posts and albums. Same with their ex. You’re seeking answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain.
10. You are the only one who sees their true color.
No matter what they do, they always seem to have a fan club cheering for them. Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than relationships.
#toxicrelationships
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