It's quiet here as evening settles around me.

The darkness hasn't really left me all week.

From an early age, life has always forced me to grow, evolve and get stronger every step of the way.

I get knocked down but always find a way to get back up and overcome the challenges life has thrown at me.

Not this week.

When I crashed into rock bottom this time, I stayed there.

As the tides of discontent tried to bring me under time and again, I fought with the same fire that I normally do...

Only this time, I stayed down.

I sank further than I had ever known.

My relationship, my career, even my confidence fell apart.

I thought I knew pain.

I believed I had survived the worst kind of failure.

I realized in that moment that I had no idea.

The hurt, the anguish- it brought me to my knees like I had never known.

You've read my stories of courage and character, how I've defied the odds and found a way.

This time, I had nothing left.

My eyes could only find night and everywhere I turned, my life crumbled around me.

There was no happiness and I was overwhelmed.

I stood at the edge of the precipice and I had no answers.

Only sadness.

Pain.

Dark.

And I had no idea what to do.

All alone, I started to lose hope...

And that is a very dangerous  place to be.

I always had been able to climb out of struggle before because the world tried to destroy me- other people, things.

This time, I found myself in a place I had never known.

I was the force tbat had brought me down.

Bad decisions, poor choices and letting my emotions run wild..

Everything felt completely out of my control.

And I cried.

Not glamorous or inspiring.

Lost.

I was at the lowest point in my life.

Lower than being homeless, hungry or hurt.

Everything that made me who I was..

Was taken away in an instant.

It was then that I realized that I was.looking at the wrong things.

I became happy and successful because I kept the right perspective and was real with myself.

Somewhere along the journey, I lost my way.

My truths to myself became lies and I forgot who I was and how I'd gotten there.

They say life changing moments aren't the big stuff, and they're right.

When the light began to creep back into my heart, I started to understand.

Healing starts within and you've got to see.the right things.

Stop telling yourself the things you want to hear and start being real.

I don't have it all figured out and that's okay, 

I'm on my way.

I'm turning the page and starting a new chapter.

Called simply:

"I can."

|ravenwolf