Relationships with narcissists are some of the most mentally and emotionally exhausting experiences a person can ever go through. This is the one kind of relationship where your genuine love, your heartfelt kindness, and your unwavering loyalty don’t bring closeness or connection, but instead tragically invite betrayal, anger, and relentless devaluation. The harder you love them, the more they seem to want to break you, to diminish your spirit.

At first, a narcissist will skillfully mirror everything you want to see, acting like your perfect match. They will make you feel special, adored, and utterly irreplaceable. They will listen intently, act incredibly supportive, and say all the right things, perfectly timed, to gain your trust. It feels like the profound connection you’ve always wanted—until, subtly but surely, it isn’t.

Over time, things dramatically shift. The same person who once admired you now seems subtly irritated by your very presence. The one who used to appreciate your kindness now belittles you for it, mocking your empathy. The same loyalty they once praised suddenly feels like a weakness they actively exploit, taking you for granted. You start to feel like you can’t do anything right, no matter how hard you try, constantly walking on eggshells.

Narcissists thrive on control. They manipulate through guilt, through insidious gaslighting that makes you question your sanity, and through extreme emotional highs and lows. One day they make you feel like you’re absolutely everything to them, putting you on a pedestal. And the next, they abruptly withdraw affection, lash out, or treat you as if you don’t matter at all. It keeps you stuck in a painful cycle—always desperately trying to get back to the good moments, always blaming yourself when things inevitably go wrong, feeling trapped.

The truth is, a narcissist’s love is conditional, a mere tool for their agenda. But their hatred and contempt? That is often terrifyingly unconditional. The better you are to them, the more they seem to want to tear you down, to destroy your spirit. They see your kindness as weakness to be exploited, your love as something they own, and your loyalty as something they have a right to, not a gift. The more you give, the less they respect you.

Trying to love a narcissist doesn’t heal them—it only drains you, leaving you empty and depleted. You will bend over backward, contorting yourself to prove your worth, but they will never, ever be satisfied. They don’t truly want love; they want absolute power. The moment they feel they have complete control, they either lose interest and move on, or they seek new ways to break you further.

Walking away is the only way to win. Narcissists don’t change, not fundamentally, and they don’t suddenly wake up one day and appreciate you. The love, kindness, and loyalty you so freely gave to them—the immense emotional wealth you poured out—give it back to yourself. That’s where true healing begins.