I wish I could make the silence be..quiet.

It’s anything but as I sit in the solace of the mess that is my life.

All the things I should have done, all the promises I made and all the hurt that I caused.

All I can do in those moments is to remember and never open that door again.

Close the door to the pain, the hurt and the suffering.

Never looking back at the person that I was and try to embrace the person that I’m becoming.

It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it should be.

It should hurt, it should burn and it should remind me each and every day the bad choices and poor character that I let become me.

So that when I lift my head, I can finally find the light.

When the darkness no longer knows my name.

That, for the first time in maybe forever, I know what it means to hope, to love and to believe.

I know the road ahead is long and it will hurt every step of the way as I walk it.. it needs to.

I don’t want to ever return to this place where the darkness knows my name and I linger in pain- mine, theirs, all.

Nothing worth having comes easy and I’m wiling to pay that price.

I am tired of the almosts, what ifs, and could have beens.

I’m not going to tell you that I know the way forward.

I don’t really know where my path will lead me.

But what I do know is this:

There will be a day, some day, in the future, when I will lift my eyes to the mirror and realize for the first time in my life,

I am enough and I’m finally becoming the person I should have been long ago.

And that, my friends, will make me smile.

See you down that road.

I’ve got some work to do.

|ravenwolf

#night #pain #silence