It’s a question that haunts anyone who’s been hurt by a narcissist:
“Can they actually feel sorry for hurting me?”
The answer isn’t simple, but it’s crucial to understand if you want to protect your peace and your boundaries.
The harsh truth
A narcissist can feel something — but it’s rarely genuine remorse. When they apologize, it’s usually about themselves, not you.
They might feel:
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Frustration that their control was challenged
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Embarrassment if their behavior is exposed
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Fear of losing attention, admiration, or “supply”
Real remorse vs. narcissistic apologies
Healthy people feel empathy. They take responsibility. They ask, “How did this affect you?”
Narcissists feel self-focused emotions. Their apologies often mean:
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“I’m sorry you’re upset.”
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“I’m sorry this makes me look bad.”
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“I’m sorry for the consequences, not the harm.”
Why patterns repeat
Even after an apology, behavior often repeats. Accountability is temporary, and the burden of moving on is placed on the person who was hurt. That’s not coincidence — it’s a hallmark of narcissistic behavior.
The freeing truth
You don’t need a narcissist’s remorse to validate your pain. Your feelings are real, and their inability to empathize doesn’t erase them.
People with empathy ask, “How are you?”
People without it ask, “Why are you still upset?”
That difference tells you everything.
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