Choose People Who Choose You

 

(In friendships. In love. In life. No auditions required.)

Let’s clear something up.

This isn’t just about romantic relationships.

Some of the most exhausting dynamics in your life might not be lovers — they might be friends, family members, coworkers, or people you’ve simply outgrown but feel obligated to.

Choosing people who choose you isn’t dramatic.
It’s emotionally mature.

Because the truth?
If you constantly feel like you’re auditioning for a role in someone’s life… you’re in the wrong room.

Let’s talk about the kind of people you should actually be choosing.

1️⃣ Choose People Who Ask How You Are — And Mean It

Not the “you good?” text with no follow-up.

The real check-in.
The eye contact.
The remembering you had a big meeting.
The “how did that thing go?” days later.

If someone only calls when they need advice, money, validation, or emotional labor… that’s not connection. That’s convenience.

Choose reciprocity.

2️⃣ Choose People Who See You — The Whole You

Your ambition.
Your softness.
Your sarcasm.
Your emotional depth.
Your random humor.
Your slightly dramatic storytelling when something is actually funny.

You should not have to dim your personality to stay liked.

If you’re funny, be funny.
If you’re bold, be bold.
If you’re sensitive, be sensitive.

The right people don’t say, “You’re too much.”
They say, “You’re my kind of much.”

If someone only likes the watered-down version of you, they don’t actually like you. They like control.

3️⃣ Choose People Who Feel Good to Your Nervous System

This one is elite-level self-awareness.

Pay attention to your body.

Do you feel calm around them?
Can you breathe easily?
Or are you bracing for mood swings, subtle jabs, passive-aggressive comments, or random tension?

Butterflies are not always romance.
Sometimes they’re anxiety wearing lip gloss.

Your nervous system doesn’t lie.

Choose the kind of relationships that feel like exhaling.

4️⃣ Choose People You Don’t Have to Perform For

If you have to constantly prove your worth…
Entertain to stay included…
Shrink to avoid conflict…
Overachieve to be respected…

That’s not connection. That’s performance.

You are not on stage.

The right people don’t require a highlight reel.
They value your presence — not your production.

5️⃣ Choose People Who Are Good for Your Mental Health

Read that again.

If your confidence shrinks around someone…
If your anxiety spikes…
If your peace disappears after every interaction…

That’s not loyalty. That’s self-abandonment.

Friendships can be unhealthy.
Family dynamics can be draining.
Romantic relationships can destabilize you.

You are allowed to choose relationships that nourish you.

And if someone calls that “changed” or “distant”?

Yes. Growth tends to look like that.

6️⃣ Choose People Who Want to See You Win

In love.
In friendship.
In business.

The right people clap when you level up.
They don’t compete.
They don’t go quiet when you succeed.
They don’t suddenly act different when you glow up.

If someone is only comfortable when you’re struggling, that’s insecurity — not support.

Find the ones who celebrate you without needing to be the center of the celebration.

7️⃣ Choose People Who Don’t Try to Control You

Control doesn’t always shout.
Sometimes it whispers.

It looks like guilt.
It sounds like “jokes.”
It feels like subtle pressure to be someone you’re not.

Healthy love and healthy friendship do not micromanage your personality.

You are not a project.
You are not a possession.
You are not something to be edited.

Choose people who trust you.

Final Truth: Mutual Is the Standard

Stop trying to convince people to value you.

If someone wants to choose you, they will.
Not conditionally.
Not temporarily.
Not only when it benefits them.

Mutual effort feels different.
Mutual respect feels steady.
Mutual care feels safe.

And the evolved version of you?

She doesn’t beg.
She doesn’t chase.
She doesn’t shrink.
She doesn’t silence her humor.
She doesn’t trade her peace for proximity.

She chooses back.

Because it feels better to be wanted than tolerated.
And it feels even better to be peaceful than impressive.

Choose accordingly. 😌✨