A narcissistic man usually has a mother wound.

He may have been rejected, neglected, or emotionally abandoned by his mother — or he may have been the golden child who received constant attention, yet felt emasculated and controlled by her dominance. In either case, the relationship left deep, unresolved wounds that shaped how he sees himself and how he relates to women.

If he was rejected, he carries a core belief that he is unlovable, constantly seeking validation from others to fill that void. If he was the golden child, he learned to equate love with performance and conditional approval, while quietly resenting the control that came with it. These dynamics often create a distorted view of intimacy, where love feels unsafe or transactional.

Most narcissists are completely unaware of this wound. They rarely connect their current behavior to their early experiences because self-reflection threatens their carefully constructed ego. Instead, they unconsciously reenact the old trauma in their adult relationships. Without realizing it, you become a stand-in for their mother — the person onto whom they project all their unprocessed anger, resentment, and need for control.

This is why their reactions can feel so disproportionate and confusing. You might set a small boundary, and suddenly they’re enraged, sulking, or punishing you — not because of what *you* did, but because your action triggered a memory of the emotional power struggles they once had with their mother.

They will oscillate between craving your approval like a child seeking a parent’s praise and resenting you for having any authority or emotional influence over them. This push-pull dynamic is exhausting for their partners, who often have no idea they’re caught in the middle of a decades-old psychological battle that has nothing to do with them.

Until a narcissistic man becomes aware of this mother wound — and actively works to heal it — he will continue to repeat the same patterns. And tragically, instead of directing his energy toward healing, he will often direct it toward controlling, devaluing, and punishing the person who loves him most.