Some fuckboys are smooth. Some are “fun.” And then there’s the kind that should come with a warning label and a disclaimer: May Cause Emotional Damage. Here’s your cheat sheet.
1️⃣ Begs for naked pics.
Because apparently your phone storage exists to fund his ego.
2️⃣ Doesn’t believe in labels.
“Labels are limiting,” he says… while limiting you to late-night texts and zero commitment.
3️⃣ Doesn’t take you out in public.
Congrats, you’re dating a ghost. Boo. 👻
4️⃣ Says all his exes are crazy.
Translation: he’s the common denominator, but don’t worry, that’s never his fault.
5️⃣ Claims to have deep feelings for you.
Deep feelings = random attention when it suits him. Actions matter, words don’t count here.
6️⃣ Never seems to have any money.
Surprise! Your dream date is more broke than his promises.
7️⃣ Plays the victim card like it’s a full-time job.
Every minor inconvenience = tragedy. And of course, you’re part of it.
8️⃣ Only calls when bored or horny.
Your emotional bandwidth? Irrelevant. Your body? Relevant.
9️⃣ All your conversations are sexual.
Congrats, you’ve unlocked Level 1 of Battery-Operated Girlfriend/Boyfriend.
🔟 Claims to be misunderstood.
Meanwhile everyone else gets him just fine. Except you. Shocker.
Bottom line: If three or more of these hit, exit stage left. You deserve someone who shows up, respects you, and doesn’t require therapy to navigate. Life’s too short to date fuckboys disguised as humans.
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