At this point, Groundhog Day isn’t a tradition — it’s a negotiation. January in Maryland has been long, loud, and aggressively cold, and honestly? We’re tired. This winter didn’t just show up… it unpacked, made itself comfortable, and started freeloading like it pays rent.
So when I saw the groundhog sitting there surrounded by coffee, donuts, gifts, and cold hard cash, I felt seen. Because if bribing a woodland rodent is what it takes to get an early spring, then respectfully… where do we send the Venmo?
Maryland winters have a special kind of audacity. One day it’s fake spring, the next day it’s Arctic tundra, and somehow both involve black ice. We’ve layered, salted, scraped, prayed, and complained — the only logical next step is bribery. Coffee for warmth. Donuts for morale. Cash for cooperation.
So dear Groundhog, please read the room. We’ve been through enough. If you need a little incentive to “not see your shadow,” just know: the people are ready, the bribe is strong, and winter has officially worn out its welcome. Do the right thing. 🌷☕️🍩💵
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