There comes a point in life when you stop arguing with people about how they treated you and start paying attention to what they do after they’ve hurt you.
Because everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody gets frustrated. Everybody says the wrong thing sometimes. Everybody has a bad day.
But there’s a BIG difference between making a mistake and refusing to take responsibility for one.
And that difference matters.
I’m not interested in relationships where someone can be passive-aggressive, dismissive, indifferent, or downright disrespectful and then expect everyone to pretend it never happened five minutes later.
Nope.
That’s not how this works.
You don’t get to throw a grenade into the relationship and then casually walk back into the room like, “So…what are we having for dinner?” 😂
Accountability means being willing to say:
“I did that.”
“I hurt you.”
“I was wrong.”
“I understand why that affected you.”
“And I’m going to do better.”
Not:
“Well, you’re too sensitive.”
“You misunderstood me.”
“I was just joking.”
“You do it too.”
“Why are you still talking about that?”
Or my personal favorite…
“I said I was sorry. What more do you want?”
Um…maybe some evidence that the apology actually came with a lesson? Just a thought. 😂
An apology isn't supposed to be a magic eraser.
And forgiveness doesn't mean handing someone another opportunity to do the exact same thing.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is stop trying to convince someone to understand your pain and simply decide what access they get to you moving forward.
Because boundaries aren't revenge.
They're information.
They say, “This is what I will and will not accept in my life.”
And if someone doesn't like your boundary?
That's okay.
They don't have to.
They just have to respect it.
And here's another uncomfortable truth:
The people who constantly make excuses for someone's bad behavior don't get a lifetime VIP pass to your life either.
If someone treats you poorly and their entire support system is busy explaining why you're supposed to tolerate it…well, they can all take a scenic little stroll toward Kicks Rocks Boulevard. 😂
You don't have to hate anybody.
You don't have to get revenge.
You don't have to make a dramatic announcement.
You don't even have to argue.
Sometimes you simply become unavailable for the version of the relationship that required you to constantly swallow your feelings just to keep the peace.
Because peace that requires you to abandon yourself isn't really peace.
It's exhaustion with good PR.
And I'm not interested in that anymore.
If you hurt me, own it.
If you apologize, mean it.
If you say you'll change, let your actions prove it.
And if you can't do any of those things?
That's okay too.
Just understand that I may love you, care about you, wish you well…
and still choose not to have a relationship with you.
Because access to me is not an entitlement.
It's a privilege.
And I'm finally learning that protecting my peace isn't being difficult.
It's being accountable to myself.
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