Funny Shirt of the Day 👕

 

Not to brag… but I’m kind of a big deal to my dog. 😂

And honestly? FINALLY. A shirt that understands my level of importance.

My dog may ignore me when I say “come here,” stare at me like I’m an inconvenience when I move their blanket, and act like they haven’t been fed in approximately 47 years…

…but apparently I’m still their favorite person. 🥹😂

So I’m calling this today’s Funny Shirt Find of the Day!

Because if my dog thinks I’m a big deal, who am I to argue? 😂🐶

Be honest… are you a big deal to your dog too? 👇

#FunnyShirtFind #ShirtOfTheDay #DogPeople #DogMom #PetHumor #FunnyFinds

Beefy Tacos on Jicama Wraps

 

Ingredients: 

4 oz. round beef 93% lean

(2/3 lean)

1/2 tsp. Taco seasoning (1 condiment)

1 Tbsp sour cream (1 condiment)

2 oz. TJ Light Mexican cheese

(1/3 lean)

4 Jicama Wraps (1 1/2 green) 

1/2 cup shredded lettuce (1/2 green)

1/2 cup diced fresh tomatoes 

(1 green) 

1 Tbsp of salsa (1 condiment)

Hi Everyone!   ☀️❤️

Just a little reminder as you scroll through social media today:

Even the person who always seems happy, positive, funny, and like they have their whole damn life together… may be fighting battles you know absolutely nothing about.

Not every week is a good week.
Not every smile means everything is okay.
And sometimes the person encouraging everyone else is the one who could really use a little encouragement themselves.

So be kind. ❤️
Give that uplifting word.
Check on your people.
Send the text. Make the call. Leave the compliment.

You never know when a simple “Hey, I’m thinking about you” might be exactly what someone needed to hear.

And remember… social media is a highlight reel, not the entire movie. 🎬

So let’s be a little more gentle with each other, a little less quick to judge, and a whole lot more willing to lift somebody up.

You’re beautiful. You’re worthy. And I hope today gives you at least one really good reason to smile. ❤️

Now go have an amazing day, y’all! And if it starts acting up… we’ll regroup over coffee. ☕😂

 

Honestly, one of the most freeing things you can accept is that you are not for everyone. And thank God, because trying to be everybody’s cup of tea sounds exhausting as hell. 😂

I’ve always been the kind of person people either absolutely adore or probably need a few deep breaths around. 😂

I’m loud. I’m bubbly. I say exactly what I’m thinking. I’m honest to a fault. I have strong morals, big feelings, an almost nonexistent filter, and approximately 47 thoughts coming out of my mouth at any given moment.

For a long time, I cared WAY too much about whether people liked me.

I actually put off making my first social media video for weeks because I was terrified of what people would think.

I HAD ZERO FOLLOWERS.

Literally nobody was watching, and I was already worried about their opinions. 😂

Eventually, I said, “Fck it,” and posted.

And that tiny decision changed my entire life.

Do I still care sometimes? Absolutely. I’m human. A mean comment can sting. Rejection can hurt. And every now and then I still catch myself wondering if I’m too loud, too emotional, too opinionated, or just… too much.

But then I remind myself:

The only way to be liked by everyone is to become a different version of yourself for everyone.

And what kind of life is that?

Against absolutely ridiculous odds, YOU are here. You got one ticket to this weird little experience called being alive.

Please don’t spend it auditioning for the approval of people who were never going to understand you anyway.

Be loud if you’re loud.
Be weird if you’re weird.
Love what you love.
Wear what makes you happy.
Say the ridiculous thing.
Take up space.
Dream embarrassingly big.

Some people will adore you.

Some people absolutely will not.

And that’s okay.

Because the people you attract by being completely yourself are loving you—not some watered-down, carefully edited, socially acceptable version of you.

I would rather be deeply loved for being completely myself than universally liked for being someone I’m not.

This is my one life.

I want to spend it laughing exactly this hard. ❤️

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk and reading my damn novel. 😂

P.S. If you made it this far, comment a ❤️ so I know I’m not the only one who writes a novel when a paragraph would have worked just fine.

Wait… What Was I Doing Again? ☕😂

 

The amount of times in a single day that I have to stop what I’m doing, stare into the middle distance, and ask myself…

“Wait… what was I about to do?”

…is becoming deeply concerning. 😂

I’ll walk into a room with PURPOSE.

Confidence.
Determination.
A mission.

Then I get there and suddenly my brain goes:

“Congratulations. You have arrived. Unfortunately, we have no further information at this time.” 🤦‍♀️

So I stand there staring at the ceiling like the answer is going to be written up there somewhere.

Sometimes I retrace my steps.

Sometimes I wander back to where I started.

Sometimes I just accept that whatever I was about to do clearly wasn’t that important and make coffee instead. ☕😂

And let’s not even talk about picking up my phone to do ONE specific thing…

20 minutes later I’m scrolling through somebody’s vacation pictures from 2018 wondering how the hell I got there.

At this point, I don't need a planner.

I need breadcrumbs. GPS. A personal assistant. And possibly a handler. 😂

But here’s the helpful part: forgetting why you walked into a room or losing your train of thought happens to everyone, especially when your brain is juggling a million things at once.

So instead of immediately assuming your brain has packed a tiny suitcase and moved out, try this:

☑️ Slow down and do one thing at a time.
☑️ Write down what you need to do before you get distracted.
☑️ Put frequently needed items in the same place.
☑️ Give yourself a second to pause and reset instead of getting frustrated.
☑️ And if you remember what you were doing… DO IT IMMEDIATELY. 😂

Because if you think, “Oh, I’ll remember that in a minute,”…

No.

No, you will not.

That thought has already left the building. 😂

So if you see me standing in the kitchen staring at the ceiling with my coffee in my hand…

Mind your business. I’m buffering. ☕🐒😂

Apparently, I Was Supposed to Dig Deeper 😂

 

“Everything you’ve ever needed is already inside you. Dig deeper.”

Me: 👃🏻👈🏻

Well… that took a turn. 😂

Listen, I’m all for self-discovery, personal growth, healing, finding your purpose, and unlocking the amazing potential that lives inside us.

But sometimes you “dig deeper” and discover that what’s inside you is:

✨ 37 unfinished thoughts
✨ 14 imaginary arguments you already won
✨ childhood trauma you definitely didn’t order
✨ a snack you forgot you ate
✨ one remaining brain cell working overtime
✨ and an attitude that could qualify as a renewable energy source

And let’s be honest… sometimes the answer is inside you.

Sometimes it’s just buried underneath exhaustion, overthinking, people-pleasing, bad decisions, and the overwhelming desire to tell someone, “You know what? Never mind.” 😂

Growth isn’t always some beautiful, enlightened moment where you suddenly understand your entire existence.

Sometimes growth looks like:

“Ohhhhh… THAT’S why I keep doing that.”

And then immediately doing it one more time for research purposes. 🤦‍♀️😂

So yes, dig deeper.

But maybe keep a flashlight, some emotional support snacks, and a little sense of humor nearby.

Because self-discovery is important…

…but apparently there are boogers at the bottom of the soul. 🤣

#SelfDiscovery #PersonalGrowth #Overthinking #LifeIsFunny #KeepDigging #Adulting

Maybe Don’t Listen to That Voice 😂

 

People always say, listen to that little voice inside your head.

Absolutely the fuck not.

I’m in perimenopause. That bitch is petty, vindictive, chaotic, and one minor inconvenience away from ruining everyone’s day.

On second thought…”

And honestly? Maybe we should listen to her. 😂

Because sometimes that little voice isn’t trying to ruin your life. She’s just exhausted from being the reasonable one all day.

She’s the one saying:
“Don’t send that text.”
“Walk away.”
“Maybe we don’t need to explain ourselves for the 47th time.”
“Absolutely not. We have snacks at home.”
“And if one more person asks me what’s wrong, I will tell them.”

Perimenopause may have brought the mood swings, the random rage, the brain fog, and the emotional plot twists nobody asked for…

…but it also seems to have brought boundaries.

So maybe the lesson isn’t never listen to the little voice in your head.

Maybe it’s:

Listen carefully.
Then decide whether she needs a cup of coffee, a nap, a snack… or a lawyer. 😂

Because at this point, I’m not saying she’s always right.

I’m just saying…

she has some very compelling arguments. 😏

Tuna Sushi Plate

 

Tuna Sushi Plate 

Makes 1 serving 

Ingredients:

10oz Sushi grade raw tuna, diced (more bc its raw, cooked is 7oz for tuna)

3.17 oz cauliflower rice, cooked from frozen, drained & chilled (1 green)

3.15 oz cucumbers (no peel) sliced into match stick sizes (1.5 greens)

0.88 oz ficed scallions (0.5 green)

1 Tbsp lite soy sauce [I usecoconutaminos](0.5 condiment)

0.75 oz avocado (0.5 healthy fat)

Sauce:

2.25 Tbsp lite mayo (1.5 healthy fat)

1 Tbsp Franks Hot Sauce (1 condiment) 

Directions:

Arrange cauliflower rice, cucumbers & diced tuna on plate. 

Top with avacado & garnish with scallions, lite soy sauce & sauce mixture. Sprinkle with everything season! 

Enjoy! 

You could also substitute 7oz cooked shrimp instead of the tuna, if you aren't a fan

*Optional -- If you wanted to also add in Wasabi

Grilled Pesto Chicken and Tomato Kebabs

 

Grilled Pesto Chicken and Tomato Kebabs

Makes 3 servings 

Ingredients:

1/2 cup fresh basil leaves, chopped (1 condiment)

1 clove garlic (1 condiment)

1/4 cup grated parmesan (4 condiments)

1/4tsp kosher salt (1 condiment)

1/4 tsp fresh pepper to taste (1/2 condiment)

3 tsp olive oil (3 healthy fats)

27.3 oz raw skinless chicken breast, cut into 1-inch cubes ~Yields 18 oz cooked

1 1/2 cups (7.89 oz) cherry tomatoes (3 greens)

16 wooden skewers

Directions:

In a food processor pulse basil, garlic, parmesan cheese, salt and pepper until smooth. Slowly add the olive oil while pulsing.

Combine the raw chicken with pesto and marinate a few hours in a bowl. Soak wooden skewers in water at least 30 minutes (or use metal ones to avoid this step). 

Beginning and ending with chicken, thread chicken and tomatoes onto 8 pairs of parallel skewers to make 8 kebabs total.

Heat the outdoor grill or indoor grill pan over medium heat until hot. Be sure the grates are clean and spray lightly with oil. 

Place the chicken on the hot grill and cook about 3-4 minutes; turn and continue cooking until chicken is cooked through, about 2 to 3 minutes.

🥒🍣 California Roll Cucumber Salad

 

All the sushi vibes. None of the sushi drama.

Craving a California roll but don’t feel like cooking rice, wrestling with nori, or pretending you know what you’re doing with a sushi mat?

I’ve got you.

This California Roll Cucumber Salad takes everything you love about a classic California roll—crisp cucumber, creamy avocado, tender crab, sesame, and that irresistible spicy-creamy sauce—and throws it into one ridiculously easy bowl.

No rolling.
No special equipment.
No sushi-making skills required.

Basically, it’s California roll filling that decided to take its clothes off and become a salad. 😂

And honestly? I support its decision.

🥒 Why You'll Love It

✔️ Ready in about 10 minutes
✔️ No cooking required
✔️ Fresh, crunchy and creamy
✔️ Perfect for lunch, a light dinner or a side dish
✔️ Easy to customize
✔️ Great for those nights when you want something delicious but have approximately zero interest in putting forth adult-level effort

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🛒 Ingredients

For the Salad:

• 2 large English cucumbers, thinly sliced
• 8 oz imitation crab meat, chopped or shredded
• 1 ripe avocado, diced
• 2 green onions, thinly sliced
• 1 tablespoon sesame seeds
• 1 sheet nori, cut into thin strips or crumbled
• Optional: 1 tablespoon finely diced jalapeño

For the Creamy California Roll Dressing:

• ⅓ cup mayonnaise
• 2 tablespoons rice vinegar
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
• 1–2 teaspoons sriracha, depending on your spice tolerance
• 1 teaspoon honey
• ½ teaspoon garlic powder
• ½ teaspoon grated fresh ginger

For the Finishing Touch:

• Extra sesame seeds
• Sliced green onion
• Drizzle of sriracha
• Optional: spicy mayo
• Optional: extra crumbled nori

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👩‍🍳 Let's Make It!

1. Make the dressing.

In a small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, rice vinegar, soy sauce, sesame oil, sriracha, honey, garlic powder and ginger.

Give it a taste.

Want it spicier? Add more sriracha.

Want it a little sweeter? Add another tiny drizzle of honey.

Want to eat it straight out of the bowl with a spoon?

…I’m not judging. 😂

2. Build your salad.

Add the sliced cucumbers, crab, avocado and green onions to a large bowl.

Sprinkle in the sesame seeds and nori.

3. Dress it.

Pour the creamy dressing over everything and gently toss until the ingredients are coated.

Be gentle with that avocado. We want cubes, not guacamole.

4. Finish it off.

Top with additional sesame seeds, green onion, nori and a little sriracha or spicy mayo.

And that's it!

You just made a California roll without actually making a California roll.

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🍚 Want the Full California Roll Experience?

Serve this salad over:

• Steamed sushi rice
• Brown rice
• Cauliflower rice
• Quinoa
• Or even crispy wonton chips for a ridiculously good appetizer

You can also scoop it into lettuce cups for a fresh, crunchy wrap situation.

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🔥 Easy Ways to Make It Even Better

Want more crunch? Add shredded carrots or diced radishes.

Want more protein? Add cooked shrimp or extra crab.

Want it spicy? Mix spicy mayo into the dressing and add jalapeño.

Want it dairy-free? You're already there—just use a dairy-free mayonnaise.

Want a little sweetness? Add mango. Trust me.

Want crunch with attitude? Sprinkle crispy fried onions on top.

Want it to look fancy? Put it in a pretty bowl, sprinkle sesame seeds over the top and suddenly everyone thinks you worked way harder than you actually did.

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🥢 Pro Tip

If you're not eating the salad immediately, wait to add the avocado and dressing until you're ready to serve.

And if your cucumbers are particularly watery, sprinkle them lightly with salt and let them sit for about 10 minutes. Drain and pat dry before assembling.

That little step keeps your salad from turning into California Roll Soup.

Nobody ordered soup. 😂

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⭐ The Verdict

This salad is fresh, crunchy, creamy, slightly spicy and packed with all the flavors that make California rolls so darn addictive.

It's the perfect recipe for busy weeknights, summer lunches, meal prep, potlucks or those moments when your refrigerator is staring at you like, “Well? Make something.”

So skip the sushi restaurant.

Skip the rolling mat.

Skip the complicated techniques.

Grab a cucumber and roll absolutely nothing. 😂🥒🍣

California Roll Cucumber Salad:

10 minutes. Minimal effort. Maximum sushi vibes.

And honestly?

That's the kind of recipe I can get behind.