9 Perimenopause Symptoms No One Warned You About (But Your Body Definitely Did)

 

Let’s talk about the phase of life that shows up uninvited, rearranges your hormones like a chaotic roommate, and then acts surprised when you’re not thrilled about it.

Perimenopause.

She’s subtle at first. Then suddenly she’s flipping tables in your body while you’re just trying to remember why you walked into the kitchen.

Here are nine perimenopausal symptoms no one really talks about—but every woman who’s in it is quietly Googling at 3:17 a.m.

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1. Random Anxiety or That “Impending Doom” Feeling

You’re sitting there. Nothing is wrong. Life is… fine.

And then your brain goes: “But what if everything isn’t fine?”

No warning. No trigger. Just vibes. Bad ones.

It’s like your nervous system drank three espressos and forgot to tell you why.

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2. Waking Up at 3 A.M. Like It’s Your Job

Not 2:59. Not 3:12.

3:00 a.m. sharp.

Wide awake. For no reason. Thinking about:

• That thing you said in 2007
• Your grocery list
• The meaning of life
• Whether you left the curling iron on (you didn’t)

Sleep? Never heard of her.

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3. Sudden Itching or Flushing

One minute you’re fine. The next, your body is like:

“Let’s itch… everywhere.”

Or your face decides to turn into a space heater in public.

No rash. No explanation. Just your skin acting like it’s got its own personality now.

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4. Hair Thinning at the Temples

Your ponytail used to be thick and full.

Now? It’s giving… “we tried.”

And those temples? Quietly retreating like they got better plans.

You didn’t sign up for this plot twist.

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5. Belly Fat… Out of Nowhere

You didn’t change your diet.
You didn’t change your workouts.

But your midsection said, “We’re doing something new here.”

Cool. Love that for you. Not for me—but okay.

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6. Flood-Like Periods

We’re not talking normal.

We’re talking:

• “Do I need to cancel my plans?”
• “Should I be concerned?”
• “Why is this happening like this?”

It’s unpredictable, dramatic, and frankly… rude.

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7. Brain Fog So Strong You Forget Words

You’re mid-sentence and suddenly—

Nothing.

Gone.

The word just… left. Packed a bag. Moved out.

You end up saying things like:
“Can you hand me the… the… you know… the thing.”

Yes. That thing.

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8. New Joint Aches or Body Stiffness

You wake up feeling like you trained for a marathon in your sleep.

Knees? Loud.
Back? Questionable.
Hips? Filing complaints.

And you’re like, “I literally just existed yesterday. Why am I sore?”

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9. Mood Swings Like PMS on Steroids

You can go from:

• Calm → irritated
• Fine → emotional
• Happy → “don’t talk to me”

In record time.

And the worst part? You know it’s happening… and it’s still happening.

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So… What’s the Point of All This?

Honestly? To say this:

You’re not crazy.
You’re not “losing it.”
And no, it’s not just you.

Perimenopause doesn’t come with a manual—it comes with plot twists.

The real power move is recognizing what’s happening, giving yourself some grace, and maybe laughing about it when you can… because if you don’t laugh, you might cry—and honestly, that could happen anyway.

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Final Thought

If your body feels like it’s doing the absolute most lately… it probably is.

Welcome to perimenopause:
Where sleep is optional, emotions are unpredictable, and your hormones are running a full-blown improv show.

And you? You’re just trying to keep up.

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If this hit a little too close to home, you’re definitely not alone. And if nothing else—at least now you know it’s not just you waking up at 3 a.m. questioning your entire existence.

I Passed ‘Old Enough to Know Better’… Now I’m in My ‘I Just Don’t Give a Sh*t’ Era

 

There comes a magical point in life where you stop saying things like “I should probably be more careful” and start saying things like “Well… let’s see what happens.”

Congratulations. If you’re here, you’ve graduated.

You’ve officially passed the “old enough to know better” stage — where you overthink every decision, second-guess texts, and pretend you’re going to bed early but actually reorganize your entire life at 1:47 a.m.

Now? You’re in the elite, slightly chaotic, wildly freeing stage of:

“I just don’t give a sh*t… respectfully.”

Signs You’ve Entered the Era:

• You don’t argue anymore — you just stare, blink slowly, and let people embarrass themselves in peace.
• Your “no” has become a full sentence, paragraph, and occasionally a mic drop.
• You’ve stopped pretending every invitation deserves your attendance.
• You’ve realized not everything deserves your energy… or your explanation.
• You now consider “doing absolutely nothing” a legitimate lifestyle choice, not laziness.

The Emotional Upgrade Nobody Warned You About:

Somewhere between caring too much and not caring at all, you found balance.

Not the peaceful monk kind.

More like:

“I care… but I also care about my sanity, so you’re on your own, babe.”

And honestly? It’s kind of beautiful.

You stop auditioning for approval you never needed.
You stop rewriting yourself to make people more comfortable.
You stop apologizing for having boundaries that actually function.

The Reality Check (With a Side of Sass):

Let’s be clear — this isn’t bitterness.

This is clarity with a little sparkle of attitude.

Because you’ve learned something powerful:

Most things aren’t urgent, most opinions aren’t important, and most drama can absolutely be left on read.

Final Thought:

So if you’re in this stage of life — congratulations.

You’re not “too much.”

You’re not “too blunt.”

You’re just finally fluent in the language of:

peace, boundaries, and unbothered excellence.

And if someone has a problem with that?

Well…

You already know the answer.

You just don’t give a sh*t. 😌

Buckle Up, Babe: A Warm Welcome (With a Safety Disclaimer) 💁‍♀️🎢

 

Therapist: “Let’s think of something warm and inviting to welcome people into your life.”
Me: “Buckle up, bitch.”
Therapist: “…we’re going to try that again.”

But here’s the thing—what if that is the welcome?

Not in a chaotic, red-flag, run-for-your-life kind of way… but in a “this is a full-experience, no-skipping-the-plot kind of life” way.

Because let’s be honest: the older we get, the less interested we are in pretending we’re soft-spoken, low-maintenance, go-with-the-flow Barbie 24/7. Some of us are more… limited edition. A little sparkle, a little chaos, a strong personality, and yes—occasionally a “you might want to stretch before entering” disclaimer.

And that’s not a flaw. That’s clarity.

The New “Welcome In” Energy

Some people greet you with a handshake.
Some greet you with a hug.
And some of us? We greet you with:

“Hey… just so you know, this life comes with plot twists, strong opinions, random bursts of ambition, sarcasm as a love language, and the occasional ‘we’re reinventing everything at 2am’ moment.”

It’s not unwelcoming… it’s just honest.

Because Here’s the Truth…

The right people don’t need you to water yourself down.
They don’t need you to trade your personality for politeness.
They’re not scared off by a little intensity, a little ambition, or a little unpredictability.

They see it and go:
“Okay… this might be a ride, but I’m in.”

And Let’s Be Real for a Second

“Soft and welcoming” doesn’t mean:

• Shrinking yourself
• Filtering every thought
• Pretending you don’t have depth, edge, or opinions

Sometimes it just means being real… with a side of humor and a wink that says, “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

So What Do We Say Now?

Maybe it’s not “buckle up, bitch” (at least not out loud every time 😏)

Maybe it’s:
“Hey… I’m a lot in the best way. But if you’re in, it’s going to be worth it.”

Or honestly… maybe it is still:
“Buckle up.”

Because the right people won’t be offended.
They’ll grab snacks and ask where we’re going.

Moral of the story?
You don’t have to be everyone’s version of “easy.”
You just have to be the right kind of unforgettable.

And if that comes with a little sarcasm, a little sass, and a personality that doesn’t fit in a neat little box?

…well, buckle up. 😌

🏡 “Not Buying for 6–12 Months? You Still Need a Pre-Approval… Here’s Why 👀”

 

I hear this all the time:
“I’m not planning to buy until next year, so I’ll wait to get pre-approved.”

Respectfully… that’s like saying,
“I’ll start training for the marathon the day of the race.” 😅

Here’s the truth—getting pre-approved early isn’t about buying right now… it’s about being ready when the right moment hits.

💡 Why getting pre-approved NOW is a power move:

✔ Know your numbers early
No guessing, no Zillow daydream math—just real, solid numbers you can plan around.

✔ Fix what needs fixing (without pressure)
Credit tweaks, savings goals, debt strategy… all easier when you’re not on a deadline.

✔ Build a game plan, not stress
You’ll know exactly what to do between now and “go time.”

✔ Win faster when you’re ready
When the right home pops up? You’re not scrambling—you’re submitting offers confidently.

✔ Avoid surprises later
Because nobody likes finding out mid-contract that something could’ve been handled months ago.

Think of pre-approval like this:
It’s not committing to buy… it’s getting your strategy together so future you can move like a pro.

And trust me—future you will be very grateful. 🙌

📩 If buying is even a “maybe” in the next year, let’s map it out now so you’re not guessing later.

Quietly Taking Notes… While You’re Loudly Telling on Yourself 📝😌

There’s a very specific kind of person who doesn’t need to be the loudest in the room… because they’re too busy reading the room.

You know the type.
They’re smiling. Nodding. Seemingly unbothered. Maybe even a little quiet.

Meanwhile?
Their brain is running a full documentary:
Tone shifts ✔️
Body language ✔️
Contradictions ✔️
Patterns over time ✔️

Oh yes… they caught all of it.

See, truly aware people don’t rush to speak—they collect data first. Because why would you interrupt someone who is actively revealing exactly who they are?

(Some of y’all are basically giving TED Talks on your own red flags, and they’re just politely attending.)

And let’s talk about this idea that smart people “hide things.”
It’s not deception—it’s discernment.

They don’t announce every plan because they understand something crucial:
Not everyone clapping for you is rooting for you.

Some people are:

• Waiting to critique it
• Waiting to compete with it
• Or waiting for it to fail so they can say, “I knew it”

So yeah… silence isn’t secrecy.
It’s strategy.

Then there’s the self-doubt piece—which people love to misunderstand.

Highly intelligent people question themselves not because they’re insecure…
but because they’re aware enough to know there’s always more to consider.

Confidence without reflection is just arrogance in a nice outfit.

And the whole “pretending not to know everything”?
That’s not playing dumb—that’s choosing connection over ego.

Because nothing kills a conversation faster than someone who needs to prove they’re the smartest person in it.

(We get it. You Googled it. Congratulations.)

Now let’s get into trust—because this is where it gets real.

Some people think, “They’re so nice! So open!”
Meanwhile, that same person is internally running a long-term consistency audit.

Because being friendly is not the same as being accessible.

Access is earned. Slowly. Intentionally. Repeatedly.

And if that feels “guarded” to you…
it’s probably because you’re used to people handing out access like free samples at a grocery store.

Last but not least—emotional control.

The most aware people aren’t the ones who don’t feel.
They’re the ones who don’t feel the need to perform every emotion in real time.

They pause.
They process.
They respond.

Which, let’s be honest, can be very confusing for people who rely on reactions to feel in control.

Because when someone doesn’t react the way you expected?
Now you’re uncomfortable.

And suddenly the quiet one isn’t so “quiet” anymore—they’re just… not playing the same game.

So no, it’s not that smart people are hiding.
They’re just choosing what deserves to be seen.

And if you feel like you can’t quite “read” them?
That’s probably because they already finished reading you.

Peace Isn’t Found… It’s Guarded Like a VIP Section 💅🚫

Let’s clear something up real quick—
peace is not some magical little vibe you stumble upon like loose change in your couch cushions.

It’s not a destination.
It’s not a mood.
And it definitely doesn’t just arrive and politely stay while chaos knocks on the door like, “Hi yes, I live here now.”

No. Absolutely not.

Peace is something you protect like it’s the last slice of pizza in a house full of people who ‘weren’t hungry’ five minutes ago.

It requires daily decisions.
And not the cute, aesthetic, “light a candle and journal” kind (although we love that for you). I’m talking about the gritty, sometimes uncomfortable, “this conversation is done,” “this person no longer has access,” “this situation no longer gets my energy” type of decisions.

Because here’s the truth nobody loves to say out loud:
Chaos is persistent. It’s creative. It will find you. It will text you “hey stranger.” It will show up in familiar faces, old habits, and situations that look just different enough to trick you into thinking, “maybe this time…”

(Spoiler alert: it’s not different. It just changed outfits.)

And protecting your peace?
That means saying no—even when it feels awkward.
That means setting boundaries—even when people don’t like them.
That means choosing yourself—even when you’ve been conditioned to put everyone else first.

And whew… let me tell you, nothing exposes people faster than your boundaries.

Suddenly you’re “difficult.”
You’ve “changed.”
You’re “too much.”

No, babe. I’ve just stopped being convenient.

Peace is not passive.
It’s not you sitting quietly while nonsense unfolds around you like a live-action soap opera. It’s you actively deciding, “I will not participate in anything that costs me my sanity.”

It’s discipline.
It’s self-respect.
It’s emotional maturity with just a hint of “try me if you want to.”

And yes, sometimes protecting your peace will feel lonely.
Because not everyone is willing to meet you at that level. Some people thrive in chaos—they don’t want peace, they want access.

Unlimited, unfiltered, boundary-free access.

And that?
Is no longer on the menu.

So now, every day, you make a choice:

Do I entertain the chaos…
or do I protect the peace I worked so hard to build?

And listen… I’m choosing peace.
Every time.
With zero apologies and a fully locked door.

You can knock if you want—
Just don’t be surprised when I don’t answer.

Per My Calendar… Still Not Available for Nonsense 📅✨

I just checked my calendar…

And wow. Would you look at that.
No openings today.
None tomorrow.
Actually—let me scroll…
Ah yes. Fully booked for the foreseeable future on giving a single, solitary fuck.

Tragic. Truly.

It’s not that I can’t care. I absolutely can. I’ve got a whole emotional range. Depth. Empathy. A soft side that could rival a Disney soundtrack.

But here’s the catch:
That version of me is now by appointment only.

Because at some point, you realize constantly caring about things that don’t deserve your energy is basically volunteering to be stressed out for free. And respectfully? I’ve already worked that unpaid internship. I will not be renewing my contract.

So if it’s:

• Petty drama
• Mixed signals
• Half-effort energy
• Situations that require me to decode behavior like it’s a true crime podcast

Yeah… I’m gonna go ahead and decline.

With enthusiasm.

This isn’t cold-hearted. It’s well-managed priorities. It’s emotional budgeting. It’s realizing that not everything deserves a reaction, a response, or a seat at your mental table.

And let’s be honest—peace looks really good on me.

Now, if it’s something that does matter?
Growth, real connection, mutual respect, people who communicate like adults instead of cryptic riddles? Oh, I’ll show up. I’ll care. I’ll invest.

But chaos? Confusion? Disrespect disguised as personality?

Baby, that’s getting auto-replied with:
“Thank you for your inquiry. Unfortunately, I’m unavailable to care at this time. Please try again never.”

So yes. I checked my calendar.

And tomorrow?
Still not giving a fuck.

But don’t take it personally—
Take it as a sign I’ve finally started choosing myself.

So Let Me Get This Straight…” — The Olympics of Emotional Gymnastics 🥇

So let me get this straight…

You get to do whatever you want—say whatever you want, act however you want, cross boundaries like they’re optional suggestions—and I’m supposed to just… what? Smile? Nod? Maybe throw in a polite “thank you for the emotional chaos”?

But the second I react?
Now suddenly I’m “too much.”
Now I’m “overreacting.”
Now I’m the problem.

Ah yes. The classic:
“I’m allowed to hurt you, but you’re not allowed to feel hurt.”

Make it make sense.

Because what this actually is (and let’s not sugarcoat it) is a masterclass in manipulation. It’s the expectation that I absorb your behavior quietly, while you reject any accountability for how it impacts me. It’s control dressed up as confusion. It’s rewriting the narrative so I’m the villain for having a completely human response.

Spoiler alert: I’m not buying it anymore.

You don’t get to:

• Dismiss my feelings and demand my understanding
• Cross my boundaries and criticize my reaction
• Create the problem and blame me for noticing it

That’s not a relationship—that’s a rigged game.

And honestly? I’m retired from unpaid emotional labor.

Here’s the part that might sting a little (but hey, truth has a reputation for that):
If someone can’t handle your reaction to their behavior, it’s usually because your reaction is exposing something they don’t want to take responsibility for.

And instead of doing the uncomfortable work of self-reflection, they flip it. Suddenly you’re the distraction. The deflection. The “issue.”

Convenient, right?

But I’m no longer participating in conversations where accountability is optional and my feelings are negotiable.

Growth looks like saying:
“Yeah, I messed up. I see how that affected you.”

Manipulation looks like saying:
“You wouldn’t be upset if you weren’t so sensitive.”

One builds trust.
The other builds resentment.

And I don’t know about you, but I’m not in the business of gaslighting myself just to keep someone else comfortable.

So no, I’m not “too much.”
I’m just finally responding appropriately.

And if that makes things uncomfortable?
Good. Maybe discomfort is exactly where the truth has been waiting.

Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee… But Make It Self-Aware (and Slightly Unhinged) 🎙️

Alright, welcome back to the podcast where we unpack life, call ourselves out a little, and pretend we’ve got it all together—while absolutely not having it all together.

Today’s episode?
A classic. A cultural moment. A whole identity crisis wrapped in a catchy tune.

We’re talking about that song from Grease—
“Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee.”

Yes. That one. The one where innocence meets sarcasm, and judgment is served with a side of jazz hands.

Now let’s break this down.

Because on the surface, it’s playful. It’s teasing. It’s a little shady (okay, a lot shady).
But underneath?

Oh, there’s layers.

You’ve got Rizzo basically saying,
“Look at you, Miss Perfect, Miss Innocent, Miss ‘I’ve never made a bad decision in my life.’”

And if we’re being honest?

We’ve all been Sandra Dee at some point.
And we’ve all been Rizzo too.

Don’t lie. This is a safe space.

🎤 Let’s Talk About It…

There’s always that version of us that wants to be:

• Put together
• Polished
• Unproblematic
• And just… effortlessly admired

“Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee.”

Meanwhile, real life is like:

• You tried to drink more water but ended up with iced coffee
• You said you’d be calm but sent a paragraph instead
• You were gonna take the high road… but made a quick U-turn for a detour through Petty Lane

Growth? Yes.
Consistency? We’re working on it.

💅 The Real Tea (With a Little Sarcasm)

Here’s the thing nobody says out loud:

Perfection is performative.

And the moment you stop trying to be the “Sandra Dee” version of yourself—
the overly curated, always-right, never-messy version—

You actually start becoming… real.

And real?
Real is way more interesting.

Real laughs too loud.
Real makes questionable decisions sometimes.
Real learns, adjusts, and maybe swears a little during the process (no judgment, we’ve discussed this).

🎧 Podcast Takeaway Moment

So what’s the lesson here?

It’s not about choosing between being “perfect” or “reckless.”

It’s about knowing:

• You don’t have to prove your worth through perfection
• You don’t have to hide your flaws to be respected
• And you definitely don’t need to fit into someone else’s version of who you should be

Because the most powerful version of you?

Is the one that’s self-aware enough to say:
“Yeah… I’ve got layers. Some polished, some chaotic. We’re working with both.”

😌 Final Thoughts (With a Wink)

So go ahead—channel your inner Sandra Dee when you need to feel put together.

But don’t forget your inner Rizzo either—
the one who’s a little bold, a little sarcastic, and not afraid to call things exactly what they are.

Because balance?

That’s the real glow-up.

And honestly?

That version of you…
is way more iconic than perfect ever was.

 

Monday Morning Staff Meeting 🐾

Me: Alright Diesel, Kip—let’s get focused. New week, new goals. We’re aiming for productivity, structure, and maybe a little less chaos.

Diesel: checked in early, already boosting morale, accidentally ate part of the agenda but spirit is strong

Kip: “Before we proceed… I have concerns.” 🐱

Me: …about what?

Kip: “Leadership. Specifically yours. My bowl was not filled to my standards yesterday.”

Diesel: just happy to be here, volunteering for everything, understands nothing

Me: Okay, moving forward—teamwork makes the dream work.

Kip: “My dream is naps, snacks, and evaluating your performance from a higher surface.”

Diesel: applies for Employee of the Month again by simply existing

Me: Final thoughts?

Kip: “Yes. Lower your expectations of me, raise your standards of service.”

Diesel: wagging like we just solved world peace

And just like that…
I’m no longer the boss. I’m just middle management with snacks. 😌