Something I've been thinking about lately…

I think sometimes when you're too understanding, people can get a little too comfortable overlooking your feelings.

You give grace. You make excuses. You try to see where they're coming from. You understand they're stressed, overwhelmed, or dealing with their own stuff.

But somewhere along the way, you realize you're doing all this understanding while your own feelings are getting completely overlooked. 😬😂

I've learned that I can understand someone without excusing everything they do. I can give grace without having unlimited patience. And I can be kind while still having boundaries.

Because being understanding is a good thing.

Just not when it comes at the expense of understanding yourself.

Apparently, my emotional customer service department has officially reduced its hours.

Understanding Without Boundaries Will Have You Feeling Like a Customer Service Department for Other People’s Bad Behavior

 

I realized something recently: when you're a little too understanding, people can slowly become a little too comfortable overlooking your feelings.

You understand why they were upset.

You understand why they didn't call.

You understand why they were distant.

You understand they were stressed, tired, busy, overwhelmed, triggered, confused, or apparently experiencing a full-blown emotional eclipse. 😂

So you give grace.

And then you give a little more.

And then a little more.

Until one day you realize you've been handing out grace like Oprah, while your own feelings have been sitting in the corner like, “Um… hello? Are we ever going to discuss what happened to us?”

Here's the thing: Understanding someone's behavior doesn't mean you have to accept it.

You can understand why someone hurt you and still decide that it wasn't okay.

You can have empathy for someone's struggles without volunteering to be their emotional punching bag.

You can forgive someone without giving them unlimited access to repeat the same behavior.

Because grace without boundaries can accidentally teach people that your feelings are negotiable.

And when someone learns that you'll always understand, always forgive, always make excuses, and always be the one to smooth things over, they may stop considering the impact their behavior has on you.

Not necessarily because they're evil.

Sometimes people simply get comfortable.

And comfortable people can get careless.

That's why boundaries matter.

A boundary isn't punishment.

It isn't revenge.

It isn't you being "difficult."

It's simply saying, "I understand you. But I also understand me."

And understanding yourself means recognizing that your feelings deserve consideration, too.

You don't have to become cold because someone took advantage of your kindness.

You don't have to stop being compassionate.

You just have to stop confusing being understanding with being endlessly available for disrespect.

Give grace, absolutely.

But don't give it so freely that people start believing there's no expiration date on bad behavior.

Because the goal isn't to become less kind.

The goal is to become kind with standards.

Compassionate with boundaries.

Understanding without abandoning yourself in the process.

Because let's be honest… if someone needs you to completely ignore your own feelings in order to maintain a relationship with them, that's not "peace."

That's unpaid emotional labor.

And baby, the position is no longer available. 😂

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can say isn't, "I understand."

It's:

"I understand why you did it. And I'm still not okay with it."

Both things can be true.

And once you realize that, you stop explaining away behavior that keeps hurting you—and start paying attention to what people consistently show you.

Because grace is a gift.

It was never supposed to be a lifetime subscription to your own disappointment.

Patterns Don't Lie. People Just Get Really Creative With Excuses.

 

I stopped taking everything personally—and started paying attention instead.

For a long time, I took things personally.

Someone's attitude? I must have done something.

Someone pulling away? What did I say?

Someone treating me differently? Let me overanalyze every conversation I've had with them since 2017. 😂

I would make excuses for people because I wanted to believe the best in them.

"They're just having a bad day."

"They're stressed."

"Maybe I misunderstood."

"They didn't mean it that way."

And sometimes, that's absolutely true.

People have bad days. People make mistakes. People say the wrong thing. We're all human.

But here's what I've learned:

One incident might be a mistake. A repeated pattern is information.

At some point, you have to stop listening to what people say and start paying attention to what they consistently do.

Because apologies are nice.

Explanations are nice.

Excuses can even be incredibly creative. Some people deserve an Emmy for the stories they can come up with when their behavior finally catches up with them. 😂

But patterns?

Patterns tell the truth.

If someone repeatedly disrespects you, that's a pattern.

If someone only shows up when they need something, that's a pattern.

If they hurt you, apologize, promise they'll change, and then do the exact same thing again… that's not a misunderstanding.

That's a cycle.

And the biggest shift I've made is realizing that I don't have to take someone else's behavior personally to take it seriously.

I don't have to hate you.

I don't have to make you the villain.

I don't have to write a 47-page dissertation explaining why your behavior hurt me.

I can simply observe it.

I can accept it.

And I can make a decision about what I'm willing to tolerate going forward.

That's not bitterness.

That's awareness.

There's a big difference between saying, "You treated me this way because there's something wrong with me," and saying, "You consistently treat people this way, and I'm no longer volunteering to be one of them."

The first one destroys your self-worth.

The second one protects it.

So these days, I don't take everything personally.

I watch.

I listen.

I notice.

I pay attention to whether someone's actions match their words.

Because people can tell you anything.

They can promise anything.

They can explain anything.

But eventually, their patterns will introduce you to the truth.

And when they do?

Believe them.

You don't need to argue with the evidence.

You don't need to keep collecting receipts.

And you definitely don't need to stand in the middle of a burning building asking yourself if you're being too sensitive about the smoke. 😂

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is stop asking, "Why are they doing this to me?"

And start asking:

"What is this behavior showing me?"

That's where the clarity comes in.

That's where the peace comes in.

And that's where you finally realize:

It's not always personal. But it is always information.

And once you learn to recognize the pattern, you don't need an explanation to give yourself permission to walk away.

I stopped arguing with patterns and started paying attention to them. One bad day is a mistake. A repeated pattern is information. And once you stop taking everything personally, you realize you don't have to keep holding court in the courtroom of someone else's excuses. 😂 Watch the pattern, believe what you see, and move accordingly. Peace is expensive enough without paying for it with your sanity. 

I Don’t Want to Fake It Until I Make It—I Want to Actually Make It.

 

Can we be honest for a minute?

While everyone is busy posting their highlight reels, announcing how amazing life is, and apparently waking up every morning with perfect hair, perfect relationships, perfect finances, and a perfectly curated charcuterie board… some of us are just over here trying to remember why we walked into the kitchen. 😂

Life has been throwing curveballs, and I'm not going to pretend I haven't been hit by a few.

I'm not interested in faking happiness just because it photographs well. I don't want to slap a motivational quote over my problems and pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows when, some days, it's more like thunderstorms and questionable decisions.

I want the real thing.

I want to actually make it.

I want to get through the hard seasons, learn the lessons, rebuild what needs rebuilding, and come out stronger—not just look like I've got it all together on Facebook.

Because here's the truth: You can be grateful and still be struggling. You can be hopeful and still be exhausted. You can love your life and still have days where you're like, "Okay, universe… respectfully, what the hell?" 😂

That's life.

So if you're in a season where you're just trying to keep your head above water, you're not failing. You're human.

Keep going.

You don't have to pretend you're living your best life every damn day. Sometimes your best life is simply getting through today without losing your mind, your patience, or your last remaining ounce of fucks to give. 😂

And maybe that's enough for today.

I'm not trying to fake it until I make it.

I'm trying to make it.

For real.

And when I get there, I'll celebrate the hell out of it—because I'll know exactly how hard I worked to get there. ❤️

 Saw this tonight and it hit me.

I've been through enough to become bitter.

I chose to become better.

And honestly? That choice wasn't always easy. But I'm pretty damn proud of the woman I became because of everything I didn't let break me.

Some people got revenge.
I got growth.
Some got even.
I got peace.

We are not the same. 😏🖤

BLACKLISTED.

 

I finally figured it out.

The problem is me.

I give too much. I love hard. I show up. I'm loyal. I communicate. I actually give a damn about how my actions affect other people.

And apparently… that's my first mistake. 😂

Because somewhere along the way, people decided that empathy was optional and self-awareness was a subscription they forgot to renew.

Everybody is so busy protecting their own feelings that they forget other people have them, too. They'll hurt you, disappoint you, disrespect you, and then somehow act shocked when you don't stick around for the encore.

And God forbid you actually point it out. Suddenly, you're dramatic. 😂

No, honey. I'm just aware.

I've realized that I keep expecting people to think like me—to consider how their words land, to put themselves in someone else's shoes, to care when they've hurt someone.

But that's the problem.

I'm expecting people to have a heart that they never ordered.

So yes, maybe the problem is me.

I'm the problem because I keep giving premium loyalty to people operating on a free trial.

I keep handing out chances like Oprah.

YOU get a chance! YOU get a chance! EVERYBODY gets a chance! 😂

Well… the Oprah era is over.

I'm still loving. Still loyal. Still me.

But now there's a blacklist.

And baby, once you're on it, there's no customer service department to call. 🤷😉

 

This popped up on my feed today, and I had to share because it really made me think… 🤔

I’m finally making peace with the fact that I cannot control what other people do—and honestly, some of y’all are making that lesson VERY easy. 😂

People are gonna lie. They’re gonna switch up. They’re gonna misunderstand you on purpose, rewrite history, create a whole fictional version of events, and then sleep like babies afterward. 🤷‍♀️

And me? I’m finally learning to say, “Damn…that’s crazy.” And keep it moving.

I’m not losing sleep trying to figure out why someone did what they did. I’m not chasing explanations. I’m not arguing with people committed to misunderstanding me. And I sure as hell am not auditioning for a role in somebody else’s delusional version of reality. 

My job is to stay solid on my end. Keep my heart right. Keep my boundaries tight. Keep my mouth mostly shut.  (that's not always an easy task on my end lol but I'm working on it -  I'm a slow learner)🤷😜

Because here's the thing: you can't control people's behavior, but you can control how much access they have to you.

So if you want to be messy, be messy over there. If you want to tell stories, write a damn book. If you want to misunderstand me, grab a dictionary. 😂

I’ve officially retired from giving people free rent in my head.

The eviction notice has been served.
The locks have been changed.
And frankly, the neighborhood is much quieter now. 😂😂

Stay solid. Protect your peace. And let people be exactly who they insist on showing you they are.

Trust me, the trash takes itself out eventually. You just have to stop dragging it back inside. 🤷😉

#BeenThereDoneThat

We’ve Made It Way Too Easy to Cut People Off

 

Somewhere along the way, we started treating every disagreement like a red flag, every inconvenience like a dealbreaker, and every personality clash like proof that someone is “toxic.”

And listen… sometimes people ARE toxic. Sometimes you absolutely need to protect your peace, set boundaries, and walk away. No argument there.

But sometimes… people are just difficult. 😂

Sometimes they have a bad day. Sometimes they say the wrong thing. Sometimes they misunderstand you. Sometimes you both get stubborn, defensive, or pissed off. Sometimes you disagree because—brace yourself—you’re two completely different human beings with different experiences, opinions, and personalities.

That doesn't automatically mean the relationship is toxic.

We've gotten so comfortable saying, “Cut them off!” that we've forgotten the value of saying, “Hey, that hurt me. Can we talk about it?”

Because here's the uncomfortable truth: If everyone has to be perfect for you to keep them in your life, you're eventually going to end up alone.

And spoiler alert… you aren't perfect either. Neither am I. None of us are. We all have moments where we're difficult, emotional, stubborn, wrong, or just plain annoying. Some of us have a whole damn collection of those moments. 😂🙋‍♀️

Healthy relationships aren't built on never having disagreements. They're built on being able to disagree without destroying each other.

So maybe before you cut someone off, ask yourself:

Is this actually toxic… or are we just having a difficult moment?

Is this a pattern of disrespect… or was someone human and screwed up?

Is this relationship truly unhealthy… or does it simply require communication, patience, and a little grace?

Sometimes you need to walk away.

And sometimes you need to sit down, have the uncomfortable conversation, admit you were wrong, let them admit they were wrong, and figure your shit out.

Because not every conflict needs a funeral. 😂

Some relationships don't need to be buried.

They just need better communication, stronger boundaries, a little forgiveness, and maybe two people willing to stop keeping score long enough to remember why they cared about each other in the first place.

Protect your peace, absolutely. But don't confuse peace with never being challenged, disagreed with, or inconvenienced.

Because if you cut off everyone who ever gets on your nerves, eventually you're going to be sitting alone in a perfectly peaceful room… wondering why nobody can stand you. 😂

Just saying. 🤷‍♀️

 I grew up in Canton, back when it was a very blue-collar neighborhood, and let me tell you… it is a LOT different now than it was during my first almost two decades of life. 😂

So seeing the news this morning about a serial flasher running around Canton is just… I don't even know what to say. 🤦‍♀️😂 And apparently, one woman has seen this man SEVEN TIMES. SEVEN. Ma'am, at this point, y'all have a more consistent relationship than some marriages. 😭

Now, obviously, this isn't funny for the women who have had to deal with this, and flashing people is absolutely NOT okay. But I can't help but sit here thinking… PEOPLE. 🤦‍♀️😂 I swear, I can't with people sometimes and the way they think.

I'm sitting here watching the morning news thinking, “A serial flasher? In CANTON? What the hell happened to my old neighborhood?” 😂🤦‍♀️