Don't fight unless the mood is right. Moods are really funny things. When your mood is up and you are feeling good, life looks good and so does your relationship. You feel secure, loving and satisfied. You tend to think more about the nicer aspects of your relationship. You feel secure and you keep your sense of humor. You understand that while no relationship is perfect, you are lucky to be with the one that you love. You are more able to see their strengths as charming and the minor flaws as insignificant. You can see the unique character that your partner is. You find it easier to compromise and forgive and you are able to let go of the little stuff quickly without too much extra thought. You don't feel as defensive and you may be able to more easily see where you might be contributing to the problem as well. You remember all the good times and look forward to your future with them.
But let's change the mood now (UH OH!). When your mood is down and you are feeling grumpy and agitated, everything drastically changes. All of a sudden, you're feeling dissatisfied, as if something is missing. Little things will annoy the heck out of you and will become far more significant. Rather than just letting the little things go, you start to over analyze your issues. You mostly think about everything in your relationship that isn't right and you lose your sense of gratitude. You become picky and that is when you take your partner for granted. You lose your ability to see your part in any problems. It suddenly becomes all their fault. Does that sound familiar? Your partner's strengths seem to disappear and all you see are their flaws. Rather than being able to compromise, you become stubborn and defensive. You remember all the bad times and the future suddenly doesn't seem so bright.
When you really think about it, moods are a bizarre thing. After all, it's the exact same life and the exact same partner. The same person with the same history, the same strengths and the same weaknesses. Every aspect is identical except for your mood. Your mood has the power to alter your perspective to the point of convincing you that things are different from what they really are. It's like an optical illusion. Optical illusions trick your vision and your mood tricks your feelings, judgements, perspective and memories.
In spite of your moods apparent power on your relationship, there is hope :-) All that is required is to respect the moods, make allowances for both yours and your partner's mood. When fighting in a relationship, you need to learn to say to yourself, "I know I'm in a low mood and I'm not seeing things as they really are at the moment" Don't fight when moods are low. Awareness of how low moods can be deceiving is extremely important. I find the best remedy to this is to avoid each other for a bit while moods are low. It keeps you from saying things that you might end up regretting later. Wait until the mood gets a little better, you are a little calmer and than have the debate. (I don't really like to say the word fight. It sounds so nasty LOL)
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