I grew up with a LOT of chaos.
Abuse. Drugs. Alcohol. Neglect. Uncertainty.
And “poor” doesn’t quite describe it.
I mean poor poor.
The kind of poor where you wonder if you're getting evicted. The kind where you wonder if there's enough money for groceries. The kind where uncertainty isn't an occasional visitor—it’s practically part of the family.
And when you grow up that way, you learn things young.
I learned that if I wanted something different, I was probably going to have to figure out how to make it happen.
I learned not to sit around waiting for someone to rescue me.
I learned to be independent.
Resourceful.
Bold.
Resilient.
And really, really good at figuring shit out.
I wouldn't wish that childhood on anyone. Especially not a kid.
But as an adult, I can recognize that some of the hardest things I went through built strengths in me that I still carry today.
That doesn't mean the trauma was good.
It means I decided it wasn't going to be wasted.
And there is a difference.
Survival Mode Has a Price
For all the things survival mode taught me, it also taught me things I eventually had to unlearn.
Scarcity.
Always expecting there wouldn't be enough.
A complicated relationship with money.
The belief that certain kinds of lives were meant for “other people.”
Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Being so accustomed to chaos that peace could almost feel uncomfortable.
When you've spent your childhood wondering what's going to go wrong next, sometimes your brain doesn't automatically know what to do when things actually start going right.
You have to teach yourself.
And that was one of the hardest lessons for me.
Because becoming independent is one thing.
Learning that you don't have to carry everything alone is another.
Learning how to dream beyond survival is another.
Learning to believe that you are worthy of more—without needing to prove why—is another.
My Past Can Explain Me Without Controlling Me
For a long time, I think many of us believe our circumstances are our identity.
This is just how my life is.
This is just who I am.
People like me don't get those things.
I'll never be able to…
But eventually, I had to ask myself a different question:
What if my past is an explanation—not a sentence?
What if the things that happened to me can explain some of my behaviors, fears, habits, and beliefs without getting the final say over who I become?
That realization changed something in me.
I may not have chosen how my story started.
But I damn sure get a say in how it goes from here.
Stop Waiting for Your Circumstances to Change
There was a point when I realized I couldn't keep waiting for everything around me to magically become different.
I had to become different.
Not because there was something wrong with me.
But because I was finally willing to stop letting my circumstances dictate the limits of my life.
If I want something badly enough, I make it nonnegotiable.
I don't need to know every step.
I don't need perfect timing.
I don't need to have every answer.
And I certainly don't need someone standing behind me yelling, “Come on! You can do it!”
Sometimes I just need to decide:
I'm doing this.
Then I figure out the rest.
I'll learn it.
I'll work for it.
I'll pray about it.
I'll screw it up.
I'll probably screw it up again.
And then I'll try again.
Because apparently, stubbornness is one of my spiritual gifts. 😂
Your Circumstances Don't Get the Final Vote
Now, I want to be careful with this part.
Not everyone starts from the same place.
Some people are fighting battles that aren't visible.
Some people have fewer resources, fewer opportunities, less support, or heavier burdens.
So this isn't about pretending that circumstances don't matter.
They absolutely do.
But I also believe there comes a point when we have to ask ourselves:
What can I control from here?
Maybe I can't change what happened.
Maybe I can't undo the years I lost.
Maybe I can't make someone else apologize.
Maybe I can't change where I started.
But I can decide what I do next.
And sometimes that decision is the beginning of everything.
You Don't Have to Be Motivated
Here's another thing I've learned:
You don't always need motivation.
Motivation is great when it shows up.
But motivation is flaky as hell.
It comes and goes.
Discipline, commitment, faith, and determination will carry you a whole lot farther.
There will be days when you don't feel like doing it.
Do it anyway.
There will be days when you're scared.
Take the step anyway.
There will be days when nobody believes in you.
Believe in yourself anyway.
There will be days when you screw everything up.
Learn from it and try again.
You don't have to feel ready.
You just have to be willing to keep moving.
Choose Your Hard
Because here's the truth:
Life is hard.
Staying stuck is hard.
Changing is hard.
Healing is hard.
Starting over is hard.
Learning new habits is hard.
Managing your money is hard.
Building a career is hard.
Walking away from unhealthy situations is hard.
Believing in yourself after years of being told you're not enough is hard.
But eventually, you get to choose your hard.
And I choose the hard that moves me forward.
I choose the hard that builds something.
I choose the hard that gives me a life I actually want instead of one I'm simply surviving.
You Get to Choose
Your past matters.
Your story matters.
What happened to you matters.
But your past does not get to make every decision about your future.
You are allowed to change.
You are allowed to grow.
You are allowed to want more.
You are allowed to outgrow the version of yourself that was built for survival.
You are allowed to believe that a better life is possible—even if you've never seen one modeled for you.
And you are allowed to become the person your younger self needed.
Maybe that's the real work.
Not erasing the past.
Not pretending it didn't hurt.
Not pretending you weren't affected by it.
But taking everything you've learned and deciding:
“This is where my story changes.”
I didn't choose how my story started.
Neither did you.
But we get to pick up the pen now.
And maybe it's time we stop letting the first chapter convince us we already know how the book ends.
Choose better. Choose yourself. Choose your hard.
And whatever you do…
Don't count yourself out.
Your story isn't over.
Hell, you might just be getting to the good part. ❤️🔥
