Saturday, November 26, 2011

I need some help tonight in inspirational motivation

Hi my fellow blog lovers
I am struggling tonight with emotional decisions :-( I try to provide inspirational motivation all the time. I don't know if anyone really reads my blog (but to me, it is my emotional journey) and it allows me to just type what I can't really talk about to anyone else. I need to vent and this is my best way. You don't really know me so you can just listen and offer your unbiased opinion. That's all I really want.
If any of you have read my blog from the beginning, you will know the real emotional struggles that I have overcome and you would also know that my daughter is my main inspiration for being the very best person that I can be. I had a crappy childhood to say the least (read my earliest posts and you will understand). I have worked damn hard and read countless self help books to overcome. I have a great life now (because I forced that in my life) I choose to live a happy life. I choose not to dwell on my childhood and past mistakes. Damn it, I choose to be happy!
So I guess you are asking that if I am so happy, why am I posting this??

Why? Because it concerns my daughter (my greatest love of all) Her father hasn't been consistently in her life since she was 3 (she is 13) Sure, he has been a drop in and drop out dad but I have tried to protect my daughter. I had a shit ass dad and I have always tried to protect my own baby girl from that. (read my blog archive from the very beginning and you will know my story and see how far I have come)

I got with my husband when my daughter was 6 and for the past 7 years, my husband (her step dad) has been her father figure. He has coached her softball teams, taken her and supported her with all her dance endeavors ( she is in competitive dance and has dance class 4 days a week) He is the one at every school event and both praising and disciplining every report card. He pushes her to do her absolute best (and scolds her when she is wrong). He financially supports her, covers all her health insurance and just loves her to pieces. My husband (her stepdad) is her dad and has been for the last 7 years. My life is good and I guess you could say I am really happy and the very fear of something screwing my happy life up scares me to a point of an emotional breakdown (which is what I am having right now) I had such a bad childhood and I am so happy right now in my life because everything just works out for me. The very thought of something screwing that up scares me to death. My daughter is so happy and so successful!! She is everything that I ever wished I could have been back at the age of 13 (Beautiful, Smart, Confident) She is just a wonderful person
so to make a long story short haha, he (her father) is now in jail serving a 2 year sentence for burglary and he has found god and misses his daughter yada yada. He is calling my house with collect calls wanting to speak to my daughter. (I wont accept the charges) He writes me letters telling me that I am a horrible person because I keep him from his daughter.

So am I horrible? That's what I am asking of you. I don't believe he's changed. If I believed for one moment, I would allow him in her life. He has hurt her so many times that I just can't do that to her again.

Let me know what you think


  1. I know this is a while ago now, so I don't know if you made your decision or not, but some people we are better off without in our lives. You are protecting your daughter at a time when she is young and vulnerable. That is what a mother is supposed to do. You are not a horrible mother for protecting her from a potentially dangerous person. Dangerous to her heart, dangerous to her self worth, dangerous to her continued healthy development. Continue to do what you think is right. Change your phone number if necessary. When she is an adult, she can choose for herself if she can handle a relationship with him or not. My husband's father walked out when he was 2. He's never seen him since. For a while when he was in his 20's his father started calling, but proved to be just as unstable before they ever actually met in person. This was 10 years ago. From what we understand, his father is still crazy and manipulative. We are so glad he is not in our lives.

    1. Hi- Thanks so much for the reply. Since I have written that post, he has been released from jail. The phone calls have stopped and he is right back into his old lifestyle (drugs etc). I made the right decision by not allowing him back into her life :-) and I am so glad that I did. I always believe that no influence is better than a bad influence. I still deal with my own dad (who is also crazy and manipulative) and it probably sounds terrible to say but I often think that I would have been better off if he would have just stayed away. It is emotionally draining and I never want my daughter to go through what I did and still do. A parent should never try to manipulate their own child and make them feel guilty and responsible for the parent's own bad, selfish habits.
      My daughter is the one person that I love the most in the world. When she gets older, she can make her own choices whereas he is concerned. For now, her life if alot better without him in it and I have worked way too hard to try and guide her down the right road. I'm not going to let him come in and destroy that with his selfishness and ignorance.
      Thank you again for taking time to post your own story. It has just helped reassure me that I am truly making the right decision for her :-)