Monday, December 27, 2010

Goals for 2011

Here comes 2011. 2010 has been a long year for me. An eye opening year as well.
The year that I started my journey for inner peace, the year I got married, the year I quit smoking- a year with alot of ups and alot of downs for me
Now it is that time to make the news years resolutions (goals that we set for ourselves for the upcoming year that often gets broken :-((

What are my goals going to be?? What are your goals going to be?
I am going to think about the realistic goals that I am going to set

Touch base later in week

Monday, December 6, 2010

Words of wisdom for today


An old man and a young boy were traveling through their village with their
donkey. The boy rode the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along
they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking
and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were
right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that
remarked: "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided
they both would walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought they
were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both
rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying:
"How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey." The boy and man said they
were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed
the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river
and drowned.

The moral of the story ? If you try to please everyone, you might as well
kiss your ass good-bye!

The lesson of this one is very true The older I get the more I see how ttrue :-(

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Inspiration for the Day

I was reading a forum and saw an awesome post that I just wanted to share. It was my inspirational reading of the day

Are You Happy with your Life...?????? Are You Enjoy your Life ??????
Are You Desperate with your Life ?????? Are you Confused
with Your Life ?????
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hated.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

No one can go back and make a brand new start.
Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.

Don't stay on the humps too long.

Move on! When you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God is thinking of something better to give you.
When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means ....

There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realise your worth.

The measure of love is when you love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in

So once you have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again. It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.

We spend too much time looking for the right person to lover or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes.
Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook the excuses.

Never abandon an old friend you will never find one who can take his place
Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.

Finally what is the point

Friday, November 26, 2010

Also Husband Update

I guess alot of you wondering about that. Things are OK. Not really much different than before marriage. Only time will tell. As I said each day is a new growth experience. I will keep you posted. For right now, we are good. :-) We still have our issues - That wont change LOL Probably because I can be a tad difficult at time (Who ME???? I know that is hard to believe. Stay tuned. More of the life will unravel

TGIF Going tomorrow for an actual massage

TGIF!!! I am doing much better today emotionally. Actually, treating myself to a massage tomorrow at about faces. I cannot wait. A little day of pampering.

Sometimes no matter how strong I try to become, I am still an insecure person deep down and sometimes those insecurities get the best of me :-(( Total frowns.

Oh well, that is why life is a journey. Each day, a new adventure or a new failure or hopefully a new success awaits. No matter what, good or bad, a new memory is made and hopefully, each day is a learning experience.

That is my life. Sometimes (probably alot of times) dysfunctional but it is my life :-)

I'm a dysfunctional person with alot of love and hope LOL

Monday, November 22, 2010

G6 Improv

Being the Nice One isn't always a good thing

Why do some people think that it is OK to treat others as their own emotional punching bag?  and why do some idiots such as myself allow it to continue??  even after I get my feelings hurt over and over again?  Do I have an insecurity that keeps allowing people to do this to me and yet, keep just overlooking their behavior? 
I really need to get up the courage to change the friendships/relationships in my life and seek out newer, healthier ones. 

People always say "oh, you are the nice one" and always expect me to be there to listen to them or run for them as needed but when I am down, I look around and NOONE!!!!!
and than I cry :-(((

but yet the ones that would be there for me probably are the ones I overlook.  How do I break the vicious circle?

Trying to cheer myself up

Little humor for the day.  I hate feeling sad  :-(((  which is what I feel today 

Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........


My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.



Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise...


We have been friends for a very long time .

let's say we stop?


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.


Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

In a bad emotional spot

I really need some inspiration today.  I am having an emotional tough time.
A wise old lady once told me that you will go through your whole life and you will be able to count your true friends on one hand.
The older I am getting, the truer that cliche becomes

I think it is time for me to change some people and relationships in my life.  I get so tired of being an emotional punching bag for people.  :-(  I am sad today

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thank God It's Friday Tomorrow

LOL-  This week has been crazy .  My 89 year old boss told a dormant customer today  (note:  under Maryland law, a dormant customer is considered someone we have had no contact with in over 3 years)  
so we turned an account over to the state in October 2009)  He called and argued about it and was nasty about it  and my 89 year old boss says to him and I quote " You got yourself into this shit so get yourself out"  and she hangs up    LOL
ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHH   Now I have to clean it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Just a random thought for the day

So I started this blog as a journey to my own self help  (and I think I have come a long way  LOL)
Just writing alone helps me so much in my everyday struggles to become the person that I want to be.
I want this not to just be all about me though  (If you read all my previous posts than you know all about me)  I am probably far from sane  :-) 
I just like to talk  so I think I am going to tweak this a bit.  I am still going to post funny thoughts, inspirational quotes etc  (because it helps me) but also just to talk   Have different discussions and voice opinions.

I was sitting here tonight reading my parents magazine while my daughter was in dance class.  There was an article on the subject of spanking kids and how spanking kids causes kids to grow up to be aggressive 
That's odd because in the generation I grew up and generations older than me (note:  I am 34)  are much more respectful in general than today's youth.  I am not a fan or enemy of spanking.  (when I say spank, I am not saying beat until the child is black or blue) but today's youth sometimes seem to have no fear of consequence.  I was spanked and I am in no way aggressive or violent.  My daughter is 12, I have never really spanked her but that is because she is basically well behaved.  She did get time outs too when she was younger and she gets privileges taken away now but she would have gotten a crack on the behind when she was younger if she got too out of hand.

Everything is so over analyzed nowadays.  If a child is a little hyper, they are diagnosed with ADHD and immediately put on drugs.  What are we teaching our youth??  You can do what you want and there will be no consequence for your actions and if you have a problem, just take a drug and it solves it all  :-((

Any thoughts on this?

Inspiration Thoughts to Ponder for the Day

Inspirational thoughts to ponder for the day

O x y m o r  o n s

 Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?  

  Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

 If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 

 If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?  

 Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 

 Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 

 Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?  

.  Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 

 Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

 Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting? 

 Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

 Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?  

  Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 

 Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

 Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?  

 If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?  

 If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

 If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?  

 If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?  

 Why is bra singular and panties plural?

 Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?  

 Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?  

 How come abbreviated is such a long word?  

 Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?  

 Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?  

 Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?  

Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?  

God Saw you hungry & created  
McDonalds, Wendy's, and Dairy Queen.

He saw you
 thirsty & created
 Juice, Coffee and Water. 
GOD saw you
 in the dark  & created Light.  
GOD saw you without a
 Good looking ,  
So He created

  this on to your good friends who are so lucky to haveYOU for a friend also !!!!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Inspirational Funny thoughts for a Friday

heres some that are true

primary school teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by 6 year-olds, (the last one is classic!)

Strike while the ..........................insect is close.

Never underestimate the power of............ants.

Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.

Better to be safe than......................punch an older boy.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.

It's always darkest before..................Daylight-Saving Time.

You can lead a horse to water

No news is..................................impossible.

A miss is as good as a......................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new..............maths.

Love all,

The pen is mightier than the................pigs.

An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.

Happy is the bride who.........................gets all the


A penny saved is............................not much.

Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not.............smacked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.

And the favourite:

Better late than............................pregnant!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

One Month Wedding Anniversary

Well tomorrow is my one month anniversary.   Happy to say I didn't get an annullment  LOL
Everything is going well.  My husband still has his faults but alot more good that overrides the bad.  He is still young   -  Only 29  so I think I can still teach him new tricks  LOL
because we all know I am perfect  (haha-  That's a joke)

Hard to believe that the holidays are only 7 weeks ago.  I feel like I just get last christmas paid off and now it is christmas time again.

Now I am on to my next task  (legally changing my last name)  I haven't done that yet.  It just seems like so much work  :-((

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Inspirational Thought for the Day



I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of scotch.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My new life as being married

Wow-  Ink is barely dry on marriage cert  LOL.  Now hubby wants to have a child.  We had this talk many times but he has done a 180 0n me since we got married
How do you deal with a husband that wants to have kids when you don't want anymore   (Note:  We each have 1 from previous relationships)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Humor for the day (A little positive inspiration)

If Mcdonalds sold hot dogs, could you with a straight face order a mcweiner and tell them to supersize it?????

Also, for those wondering, I did get married yesterday.  Wedding was priceless  :-))))

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

It's October 5th now Closer and Closer to 10.10

5 days.  I hope you all aren't wondering how I am coping.  I am OK.  I going into the wedding full force with the faith that we will make it. I am nervous right now.  A total bundle of nerves.  After wedding is over, I will post wedding drama prior (Just to see if mine was really that bad or if anyone has worst wedding pre's than I do)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Words can hurt worse than physical violence sometimes

"Choose your words carefully and do not act out of anger. Be careful with someone else. Even if they choose to forgive it will never be truly forgotten. Words and actions hurt worse than punches. Bruises heal, but heartache is forever"

That is inspiration for today. 

Sometimes I would rather be around all males  LOL   Females friendships are tough.  Females are so catty sometimes and I am just like "OK, can't deal with the drama, let's run from the drama"  Damn it-  I DON'T DO DRAMA  lol

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

My baby turned 12

Yesterday was my baby's birthday.  She turned 12  LOL  How old do I feel??? Well, not that old yesterday but today I feel old,  I took my baby to get a new cell phone this afternoon for her birthday present  (Note: My cell phone was a dinosaur, I didn't even have a keyboard to text, I was still hitting the number multiple times to get to the letter) The cell phone was buy one get one free with a hundred dollar rebate.  How could I pass that up?? I don't consider myself computer illiterate.  In fact, I consider myself pretty literate on computers but I looked at this cell phone  this afternoon as if it were greek.
My 12 year old had to show me how to access internet, how to send text messages etc
Basically, my 12 year old gave me a whole cell phone lesson  LOL    Is it just me or is something wrong this picture

My baby is growing up and I am growing old  :-((((

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Justin Bieber- Pure Chaos as MD State Fair

OK  Here is my inspirational motivation for today.  Took my daughter to see Justin Bieber at the Maryland State Fair.  No assigned seating, as it was a standing concert.  It was pure chaos.
Justin Bieber puts on a great show but this fair was just cruel and unusual punishment for parents.  Over 12000 people there, all trying to get in the front.  I am just exhausted

My daughter had a great time but you couldn't pay me to do that mess again.
If there is no assigned seating at a concert, I will not ever attend again 

Friday, September 3, 2010

Inspirational Motivation

I just really love my family  (especialy the 2 girls- my daughter and my soon to be step daughter)
I get so frustrated with my fiance at times.  I keep reminding myself that I have to either really accept his good and try and work through the bad stuff or call this quits
I can't call it quits.   I love his daughter too much and I know that without me,  she has a mom and dad that really don't do anything with her  :-(*((((
His daughter's grandparents (maternal side) do alot with her  - which I am thankful for
but I just can't change her mom and the way she believes in raising a child and teaching her morals
and I can't make my fiance be closer
I try to keep in my mind the whole story

It is a long story but I don't think my fiance ever had the beginning chance to bond with his child  (His daughter's mom left him when she was 3 months pregnant for another guy that she was cheating on my fiance with)  She is caucasian, He is caucasian, her other boyfriend was african american)  Well she thought the baby was his ( her boyfriend's)  Well, the baby was born caucasian so she knew my fiance was the father and she sued him for child support  (which is fine-  we pay that) and I love her as if she was own)

Her mom uses her as a weapon-  I can't stand it

Is anyone else in this situation (whereas the kid is used as a weapon)  HELP PLEASE

I have had to walk my fiance through numerous court battles because she wants his money but don't want the child to see him  WTH??? What is wrong with women nowadays??
We have won most court battles with visitation but it is not about winning or losing.  I just hate it.
Why are children considered weapons????  GROW UP PEOPLE!!!!!!!!  -  Sorry, this just makes me angry.  (and I don't like getting angry)

But let me ask you, would it be different if him and I had a child together???  Let's take a poll  Would he be a great dad as long as we are together but god forbid that we split up, would he be the same way with a child we had together?  He is even so different with my daughter  (remember, I have a child from a previous relationship)  Her father is not in the picture but my fiance is so much different even with her than he is with his own

Another Day Another Dollar but do have new family member

Blah Blah Blah.  When am I ever going to get out of this damn 9 to 5 rat race????  I think of all the other things I could be doing.  Uh oh, I have to remind myself that this is my POSITIVE inspiration blog so no pessimist thoughts allowed
Sorry, smacked my own hand

On another positive note, My new little soon to be niece was born last night.  I went from thinking I would never have any nieces (Note: for those of you that follow my blog, you already know that my only brother was murdered when I was 11 and I found out in February, 2008 that I had a sister that I never knew (a sister that was adopted out at birth)  Well along with that sister came a beautiful niece  YEAH!!  She is 6 and flower girl in my upcoming wedding.  Just love her to pieces. 
Last night, my soon to be brother in law and sister in law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  Now I will have 2 little nieces  PRICELESS  :-)

Hope everyone is planning a great, safe labor day weekend.

Let's do a positive thought
"Life is a shit sandwich and everyday you have to take a bite"

How is that for a positive thought  LOL

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Marriage Preparation Classes

Hi everyone.
Sorry, I haven't been on for a week or so.  Been crazy busy.  With the start back of school, doing my partylite business and just basically living everyday life  LOL
So now on day 3 of marriage preparation classes.  This has been a huge help to me. As you know from my previous posts., I have been struggling with this whole marriage thing and my fear of life long committment.  I would so recommend these pre cana classes to anyone
I was dreading them before I went.  (Taking the wrong mental approach and viewing this as another chore)
I just learned so much from it.  It was awesome.
Will post more later tonight
Off to final day of class

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Positive Inspiration of the Day

If it is to be than it is up to me

It is up to me to change my desitiny

Sorry, I haven't posted much lately, I have been super, dooper busy.  Feeling much better though..  Been really working on building my partylite business.  I think alot of my problems now come from the crazy office I work in.
Let me out of this 9 to 5 rat race  :-)  sittiing around negativity all day long with grown adults screaming at each other is so depressing
Life is just too short

Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday the 13th LOL. Still struggling with emotional issues from yesterday ARGHH

Friday the 13th!!! LOL.  As you read yesterday, I am struggling a bit emotionally here with the whole marriage thing again. What is wrong with me??  Sometimes I feel like I fight my inner self consistently.  :-)  It should not be this hard to maintain balance.  I have been flipping back and forth between 2 books  (The Dance of Fear and Getting  Past OK) 
Am I just searching too hard for perfection??  There is no such thing as perfection and I know that 
So what am I searching for??
I don't have a bad life but yet I always yearn for more.  Isn't that selfish when there are so many people out there suffering through such tragedy?
Why can't I just be satisfied with what I have?  It's not bad  :-(
but I know if it's to be, it is up to me
Going to go back to the whole committment thing again,  "Committed doesn't mean you have, it means you chose to and you are going to stick with it"


Any input would be appreciated  :-)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

What is Committment

Ok  -  so as you saw from my earlier post-  I am struggling today.
After my last post earlier today, I really felt smothered here in my house and had to get out.  I called my cousin up and asked her to meet me out.  We drove over to a little hole in the wall bar to watch the Ravens first preseason game.  I had one glass of wine and talked with her and I stopped after one glass of wine.  I didn't want anymore  (which is really unusual for me) but we had a nice talk.
Than the oddest thing happened, a girl came into the bar (whom both my cousin and I grew up with)  All of us had really rough childhoods but my cousin and I survived ours.  We wanted better and we worked really hard in our lives to get where we are today.  (we are both in our early thirties)  so the girl comes in the bar (also in her early thirties but you could tell that she succumbed to her childhood)  She was strung out on drugs, looked way older than her years and was just a real mess. 
She came over and was talking to us and all I was thinking in my head  "That could have been me"

My cousin and I thought of a quick excuse to get away from her.  The girl was trouble.  After I left my cousin, I just drove for a while listening to music and just trying to focus.  I am so glad I survived my childhood and didn't succumb to it.  I have so many blessings but I need to get past the point of being just "OK" and I really need to figure out this marriage thing quick.

so I came home and just read some.  Of course, I always read on the issues that I am struggling with.
Am I really just afraid of this or is it just not enough??
What is committment?

A committment is a conscious choice to live your life with some sort of structure- to make a choice today about how you will live in the future. 
I need to make a clear, conscious choice.

Am I not backing out of this marriage because I really want it?  Am I afraid to be alone?  Am I afraid to feel like an ass backing out now when so many people have put so much effort? or do I want to spend the rest of my life with him?

I just don't know!!!!  but I can't wait too long to figure this out. 

I am watching right now as 2 of my friends are having affairs because their marriages are so unhappy.  I don't want that  (Not that I would do that because I would end the marriage first) at least I think I would but I guess I wouldn't know until I was in that situation

Questioning my Wedding Date

Oh No.  I am thinking this journey to self discovery is really making me re-evaluate everything in my life.  I am having a bad mental day today.  I have been doing so good physically.  I haven't really been drinking any alcohol.  (haven't had any in weeks)  I have been running, hanging out with friends, spending lots of quality time with my daughter and for the first time in forever, my mind is really clear  (Note; not that I was ever an alcholic but I would often have glasses of wine in the evening to relax or whenever I was feeling stressed so I guess you could say the tendency was there)  I read alot now and I run alot now.  I run almost everynight.  (Now, I have to ask myself, what am I trying to run to?)  I have been on vacation from work this week and spent some awesome time with my daughter.  We went to 6 flags, we went to the movies to see Step Up in 3D  (that was really awesome) but it really made me think.
They said some powerful quotes about life and what you want in life and to strive to get it..
Sorry if I am rambling but I just keep looking at my fiance today and thinking "Do I really want this marriage" 
It seems that the harder I work for self improvement, the more content he is to do less and sit back and just watch me work harder and him work less.  Oh no, this isn't what I want.  I don't want to be his mother.  I want someone to stand beside me.
Now, I am in a real pickle.  All this stuff for the wedding is booked etc.  The wedding is 10/10/10 and I don't know if this is for me and I don't know how to get out of it without breaking my mother's heart completely.    OH-  I am stressing terribly.

The more I am around him this week, the less I am wanting this marriage.  I don't want to blow up because I don't know if I am just being hormonal or having cold feet.  It bothers me that he is content to sit back and watch me work my mortgage processing job, selling my partylite product and doing my stock trading, raising my daughter and his while she is here etc and when I talk to him about bringing extra income into the house etc (Note:  He does work everyday but isn't a go getter like me)  He just says that he is working on it.  Really????  This line is getting really old now because he has been using it for like 2 years now and getting nothing accomplished.

I don't want to bash him.  I have been with him for 6 years and he has been here for me through some really tough times.  Now, I feel like I am outgrowing him and I am very scared.    He has many good qualities but tends to be on the lazy side and he is has a daughter outside of our relationship.  I have one and he has one.  We have none together and I don't plan on it.  He is not a hands on father to his own daughter.  He is to mine but not to his and that really bothers me.  I think he is to mine simply because he wants me.  Now I just don't know what to do

Bad mental health day for me today.  On a good note, the stress lead me to a double run today.  I am getting more physically fit by the day :-)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The quality of relationships and friendships

The quality of your relationships has alot to do with your own self-acceptance and self-esteem.  Raising them tends to automatically raise the quality of your relationships

Accepting yourself for who you are automatically improves your life to a certain degree

The above quotes are what I am studying now.  I have been feeling so good.  Life is going so right for me right now  (almost too good that it makes me nervous)   If you have followed this blog from the beginning, you know I have had some bad days since I started my journey to a happier, more fulfilling life.  LOL. 

I don't know what to say other than when you change people , places and things and your way of thinking (and believe me, that is the toughest part)  I still battle everyday with my inner self.  I feel like I have that little devil on one shoulder and the little angel on the other and my mind is right between them.  I feel the best that I have in years.  and I am being so honest with that.  (Now, don't get me wrong, I am consistently reading self help books)  I have read probably about 10 in the past couple months.

Oddly enough, the better I feel, the more people want to be around me.  I never realized how many people truly like me and love to be around me.  My goodness, My text messaging goes off all day long anymore.  I realize now that people do truly love to be around me. 

Of course, I have changed some of my own relationships.  There were a few people in my life that I feel brought me down and I have since distanced myself from those people and you know what I just feel better.  I can't describe.  The energy, the happier and the overall just improvement in the quality of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days but I have good relationships and friendships in my life now and that is so important.

Since I can't ever change the past, have to just work on changing the future  :-)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Empowerment- Key to Loving Life

For nine nights, light a candle and repeat this

As a blessed child of god, I am empowered to create miracles.

I have the power to make positive changes in my life, I will take the first step today by (fill in the blank- What is the first step you are going to take to make positive changes)

I have the power to achieve my worthiest goals.  Today, I will begin my journey to success by (fill in the blank-  Write it down)

I am grateful for my life.  I am especially thankful for  (fill in the blank-  What are you thankful for-  NO PESSIMISM)

The greatest gift I can give is to help others.  How can I help others??  (while of course, practicing healthy selfishness-  which I talked about in previous posts)

This is just a positive thinking exercise; Believe in yourself and know there is no such thing as impossible

Harness the Positive Energy of Candles

Friday, July 30, 2010

inspirational Motivatio

Why does it take a tradgedy for people to realize what really matters in life? Dont take what you have for granted it might not be there tomorrow and that will be a real tradgedy!

I really don't have much to type about tonight but I don't want to just type when I have bad days (especially when I search so hard for the inner peace)  The hard part is I type more when I am doing bad.  LOL< the more I study, the more I work at it, the better things are so I don't feel as much to vent

That isn't how I want it;  I want us all to travel together.  I am going to have my really positive weeks but I am also going to have my setbacks  :-(
Let's do a motivational quote.  I still feel that if everyone did this every day  (when you get up, you set a motivation for the day)  people would be in better moods so here is just a tad of motivation

There is only one success......... to be able to spend your life in your own way

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Maryland Crabs are the BEST- Good week this week

A very good week for me so far.  Everything going on an emotionally good level.  My insomnia issues even seem to be getting better somewhat.  I think this self help journey is helping me.  I haven't had any wine at all this week   LOL.  Not that I have ever been an alcoholic but there have been quite a few times that I have drank wine to help me calm down or sleep.  I am feeling good.  I have enjoyed my time this week.  Although I have been somewhat busy building my partylite business  (I am enjoying doing that also)  These home shows are fun. We play games, I meet new people and make money for just having a party.  It's pretty cool.  There is NO Stress  (Unlike my full time job that will probably end me up in the nutty bin if I don't get out of there  :-(
Me, my daughter, my fiance and my co-worker and her husband went out for crabs tonight.  They were so good and had the best seasoning so that was a nice little get together
I made money in the stock market  (so that made me happy)  
Spent alot of good time with my daughter (that makes me happy)

I don't just want to post about my bad days  :-(   As this is my journal of  my journey

Inspirational quote for the day  
Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do which must be done  :-)
Busier people don't have time to be unhappy    That is what I am learning.  

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Another Crazy Day at the Office ARGHHH

I really wish I could take a secret camera in my office and videotape and play it all over YouTube so the people acting crazy in the office could see themselves.  I could probably make a million bucks because nobody would believe the things that go on around there.  I couldn't even make the stuff up if I tried.  The one lady throws a fit because there was a mouse in the office and she thinks everyone thinks it is her fault.  Really??  Seriously??  Life is too short.  I don't tolerate temper tantrums from my 11 year old so when you go to work and 40 and 50 year old women are banging, slamming and talking about how stressed they are (Note:  They have no kids, good jobs)  They have no real stress.  It is just ridiculous. 
Everyday, you walk in there and the atmosphere is miserable  frowns frowns
It does something to your inner zen
I told my boss today that we needed to make it office policy that everyday when employees come in, they need to write a motivational inspiring comment for that day and they have to turn it in by 9AM

I would like to just buy a huge supply of ritulin or valium and stick it in people's drinks   LOL

Anyhow, here is some inspiration for today
Trust in yourself.  Your perceptions are often far more accurate than you are willing to believe

OK, off to go bowling.  Subbing again for the team with the little man that cusses and slaps his ears whenever he misses a shot    Yeahhhhhhh   Some humor for the day

Than my show comes on tonight,  Teen Mom-  I just really like that show

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sometimes I feel like I am a bit bipolar

The harder I try, the harder it seems to be to keep a live where I am keeping my inner peace.  I know this sounds crazy but I want that happy feeling.  I don't want medication but I struggle with it.  I still feel anxious alot.  I feel OK but not great, not sad most days but I want to get past just feeling OK. 
I just want to tell someone my phobias and they tell me how to fix them and make the go away  :-(
Somedays, I feel so good but other days, I just want to come home at night and drink more wine than I should than feel like crap the next day.  This is what I want to run away from.  I want to feel even.  I want to actually enjoy the stuff  I am doing and get away from the negative office I work in.  I know I can but I think it all boils back to fear and the need of security  :-(

As the marriage is coming closer also, I am feeling more anxious.  I think that is my whole dreaded fear of being committed or abandoned. 

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Funny Inspirational Quote of the Day

Sometimes I just need to laugh. 
I saw this one facebook today and just rolled

The reason the grass seems greener on the other side is because it's been fertilized with bullshit

Chicken Soup to Inspire

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

"Aging forces us to decide what is important in life"  
(The truth in this statement is frightening  :-)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Oh- What a day- Everyday is a journey

My life--  Wow, sometimes I feel like it could be one big reality TV show.  The only difference, it is real, I'm not rich and not getting paid for sharing it  LOL  (again, this is my free therapy)
This is my journey, my real journey in self help.  Everyday can seem like a real challenge. 
There is an old saying "somedays, you eat the bear and somedays, the bear eats you"  The damn bear got me today 
I wake up this morning  (that's a good thing)  I get ready for work and take my daughter to my mom's for the day.  My mom was off today so she babysat.  I go to get in my car from my mom's and the car wont start  (battery died)  so I borrow my mom's car.   On the way to work, I accidentally hit the seat heat on in her car and have no idea how to turn it off.  Riding to work for 22 minutes with the seat making my butt sweat.  (note:  It is summer where I live and has been very hot)  so I get to work and my dress slacks are literally wet on my backside because of the heated seat  (which is leather)
Than I go into the negative office I work in (which if you read my previous blog posts) than you know that I work in a negative office where you have 40 and 50 year old adults throwing temper tantrums and are constant pessimists and I had to get every customer today that took nasty pills  (Seriously, is it necessary to be so nasty to people).  I get yelled at for their real estate taxes increasing  (Note:  We are the mortgage company, I just want to scream  "call your congressman, call your county)  8 hours at that office felt like 20. 
So needless to say, I came home in bad mood   (frowns)
Than, I subbed on my step dads bowling team tonight.  I haven't bowled in a few months.  Didn't bowl too bad   172, 169, 189.  OK  Average 177 (so not bad) but I got a good laugh.  The team was doing bad and there is a little elderly gentleman that bowled on the team and he would get so mad everytime he got an open that he would curse and slap his ears.  I could do nothing but laugh  (not where he could hear me though haha)  I was scared that he might come slap my ears too  LOl

but at least, I laughed.  :-)

With all the stress today (plus I have gained a few pounds since I quit smoking 3 1/2 months ago)  I can feel it in my clothes, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself today.  :-(
Even though, my life is good right now compared to so many others out there

Everyday is a mental journey to me.  I often feel people take advantage of my niceness.  I really need to work on the healthy selfishness bit.

I am feeling a bit stressed tonight.  My mom hasn't been in good health recently  (If you read my previous posts than you know about the cancer and her past life)  She is such a great person.  I am taking her to get an endoscopy tomorrow.  Keep her in your prayers for me.

I have had too much loss in my life and my mom is truly the wind beneath my wings.  She has survived a hard life but is yet one of the sweetest, kindest people you can meet.

I hope all is OK.  She has lost like 40 pounds in 6 months.  She is looking frail.  She has had alot of tests done recently and nothing is coming back wrong.  Hopefully, the endoscopy shows us something.  I feel something is not right and very worried. 

Cross your fingers for me

Somedays are good, somedays are bad but in all honesty, nobody really wants to hear about my hardships.  Only when I am joking and laughing.  That is why I love writing on this blog.  I can just talk. Nobody has to read it but I feel I talked about it and it helps me.  It is the diary of my life  (kind of like the diary of a madman)  only I am female

Smiles-  Good Nite All

If you really knew me

Wow, I am watching this show right now on MTV called If you really knew me. I think this is the season premiere of it.  It is so powerful in words.
"If you really knew me"  What a powerful quote that is

For a bunch of great inspirational quotes, visit the home page of the blog
Here is the link

or if you just feel like laughing tonight, check out my blog with funny facebook jokes Here is the link

Monday, July 19, 2010

Inspiration from Facebook

I love facebook.  I am like a total facebook addict.  I have reconnected with so many people from high school etc and I read so many funny things on there and inspirational also  :-)  Saw this quote tonight and I liked it. 

There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the pointless drama and people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus on the good. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Manic Monday!!! New scam to be on alert for

Oh my, Monday's can be such a downer sometimes.  (especially when you go into an office that half the staff are pessimists)  I keep telling myself that I will be out of this 9 to 5 rut soon!!!  Hard Work, Hard Work

After work was nice, my daughter and I went to get a manicure and pedicure.  We enjoy that and it is some quality time together

Didn't go jogging today because it was just too darn hot out.  Hard to go jogging in almost 100 degree weather.  I guess I could have done some exercise in the house but reality (no excuses LOL)  I was just too damn lazy tonight.   That negative office I work in can drain me mentally sometimes.  (actually, the whole mortgage business can be downright draining sometimes).

On another note, here is my inspiration for today that I want to share with you 

"If it's to be, It is up to me"
Take 100% accountability for where your life happens to land at this moment. Don't be a victim, be a victor!

Also, a scam for all female drivers to be on alert for   (Here is an email forward that I received today"

Subject: New scary warning for women driving alone

;Ladies please take note of the following gang initiation tactic, >please discuss with female colleagues who do not have email

BE ALERT: Wayne County Sheriff's Department - VERY IMPORTANT FOR >WOMEN TO READ .

On the way to Canton , driving on Michigan Avenue , on Thursday >morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the road with a >blanket draped over it. I did not stop, even though I had all kinds >of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my >destination, I called the Canton PD and they were going to check it >out. This is what I was told...

"Several things to be aware of .. gangs and thieves, are now >plotting different ways to get a person to "stop" their vehicle.

"There is a gang initiation reported by the local police department >that gangs are placing a car seat by the road...with a fake baby in..waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the baby.
Note that the location of this car seat will usually be beside a wooded or grassy (field) area ...and the person - woman - will be dragged into the woods- beaten and raped- usually left for dead. DO NOT STOP . DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW.


Please talk to your loved ones about this. This is a new tactic used >and I would hate for anyone to fall victim to this kind of crime.

Please be safe

Happy Monday to all

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Awesome Rest and Recharge Day

I had a do nothing day today  :-)  I actually watched about 12 episodes of the show of Teen Mom on MTV.  That was an awesome show.  My daughter watched a few episodes with me.  She will be 12 in September and I think that is a great show for young girls to watch
There are too many babies having babies in the world and hopefully, the show helps younger girls realize that parenthood is hard and helps to promote abstinence and safe sex

Still working on getting the partylite business kicked off. 

"Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself"

Found this one today and it is very true

Friday, July 16, 2010

Joy of Summertime and watching children play

My daughter has a friend sleeping over tonight. It is one of her best girlfriends from school. They haven't seen each other in like a month so the talking and giggling is nonstop (LOL- Instant headache) They have been swimming all night. We ordered some pizzas and getting ready to settle in for a movie shortly.

Nothing brings me more joy than seeing huge smiles on my daughter's face.

This is my motivation for the day. Watching my baby enjoy her childhood and making good memories.

Have a great weekend   (My daughter and her bff night swimming)    So much fun!!!!!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The song Freebird and the affect Freebird it has on me

Wow. Just got done writing my life story down as I am searching for self help. I do the exercises ( as I write on my blog) so I went outside the whole exercise and wrote my whole life story. I cried, I laughed, I did what I needed to do for myself to move on.
Of course, I didn't do this until my daughter went to bed at 9 30.than I hit on the stereo down low (that helps me in my writing)
Well wrote my story Cried and Laughed than was getting ready to log off and the song "freebird" came on by Lynard Skynnard. We played that song and "Never Say Goodbye" by Bonjovi at my brothers funeral in 1988. We let balloons go. Those 2 songs have always been extremely hard songs for me but tonight was weird, I haven't heard Freebird in a long time but right as I wrote my life story, cried and ready to move on to live my unlived life, I go to turn off the stereo and freebird comes on. Well of course, I can't turn it off and I just listen and cry again. He died in 1988 and I can never lose the sadness of his loss. Is it normal at this point 22 years later. It's not normal to still mourn as I do

Remember, as you read my journey blog, I am going to screw up :-)

I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist. This is just my own diary of searching for inner peace. You are going to see my strive and try to be a philosopher LOL but you are also going to see me mess up but that is because it is my journey.

I want you to join me, help me, work together. It's always best to work together in teams :-) but when I do have a day that I totally screw up, please don't judge me. I am basically a weed that is trying to grow into a flower :-) so be easy on me. Love you all (whether I know you or not) If you are joining my blog to follow along and help me or even just laugh at me as I try (as long as you are laughing with me and not at me) I thank each of you. I need some help. I just don't want to pay a psychiatrist

Hard to find balance with an overwhelming smell of deviled eggs

Hard to find balance with an overwhelming smell of deviled eggs

Goofy post huh?? Wouldn't be if you were at my house right now. We are having an office party (customer appreciation) at work tomorrow and I just had to make 4 dozen of deviled eggs ARGHHH. If I smell another egg tonight, I am going to seriously puke LOL Don't get me wrong. I love deviled eggs but I wont be able to eat them for a while now

Hard to keep a level, balanced head when egg smell clogs you up but I am going to try tonight.

I am still on studying my unlived life so that is where tonights inspirational motivation hails from. From all the research I have been doing and just different motivational soul searching mental exercises, I have self diagnosed myself with a trust issue. I think I have had so much hurt and disappointment in younger years that I have a very hard time letting people get too close to me. I have lots of friends but I always have that barrier.
How do I get past that? How do I let go of those insecurities?

The following are my goals:
to surrender old limitations

Enhance friendships, family and career

Mastering the art of feeling truly alive in the present needs and respecting and caring for my own inner needs (back to healthy selfishness)

Everyday I work at the inner peace thing, I exercise more, I try to remove myself from stressful situations and not dwell but the more I work at this, the more it feels like a job.

How can it just flow naturally

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Finding yourself in today's complicated world

Answer the following questions

What are your strengths?

What do you love about yourself?

What do you stand for?

What do you love most about your family and kids?

What do you love most about you?

Who is the best you?

Write a description of who you are. Write your own story.
When you read your own story, do you focus on the positive and negative? Do you dwell on your strengths or your weaknesses? What is your perspective?

Now go back and rewrite your story.

Happiness begins when you learn to accept the fact that you are loved and valued for who you are, not what you do

Inspirational Quote of the Day

"Everything depends upon execution; having just a vision is no solution."

Coping with failure

In midlife, we come face to face with our failures and losses. As we age, we are confronted by limitations. We may remain on the sufrace of life or we many learn that existence is much deeper and less controllable.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

All about me

I tell bits and pieces of myself in different posts. I wont come out and tell my life all in one because I have to build a trust. I will tell you this. Did I have a tough childhood? YES Have I blamed any bad actions on that childhood? NOOO Do I blame that bad childhood for the strong, independent person I am today? YES. It taught me to fight. I knew it wasn't right and I didn't cower beside it and follow I knew I Wanted better in life and that I deserved so much better so I went after dreams, I worked hard, I made a life for myself and my family. That is me That is who I am
There is a saying " I'm a child, I'm a daughter, I'm a lover, I'm a mother and I am a protector. I guess mold all that together and that is me. Hurt my child or my family and watch the mean person I can become. When things are good, I focus on self help and helping people but don't strike close to me because the old side of me (that I keep buried away- The old city side) will come out. I am a mother, I protect my young. I am a wife (or soon to be wife) I protect the spouse. I protect our home. I don't want anything causing disruptions within our walls. I protect that

I listen to the awful storm right now and I think of my sleeping family. My dog and cat laying next to me sleeping. Each waiting to go into big bed 2 sleep. My precious daughter asleep and my fiance (god bless him) It is his birthday and he is sick as a dog. Poor Timmy
I love my family

You can say the word NO and feel good about it

We go back to healthy selfishness
No is a very simple word. A complete sentence actually. No is one of the shortest words in the english language, yet one of the most difficult for people to say (especially women) Why is it so much easier agree sometimes than to just say what we are really feeling NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think saying no for us women sometimes is so hard because of our deeply rooted need for connection. We want to be considerate without jeopardizing the relationships we value or perhaps we are too concerned with being liked or valued

Again, Healthy selfishness is imperative

Monday, July 12, 2010

Looking for love in all the wrong places

Suppose you fall in love with someone outside of your marriage. I am helping a friend through this right now. She is married with 2 children. She has been with her husband for 10 years (She was 20, he 35) when they met. Her children are 7 and 3. She is 30, he 45 now
She had advanced tremendously in her career and as she has grown both emotionally and financially, he has become settled and lazier. She is a mortgage loan officer and had an affair with the owner of her previous company. This has been going on for 6 months (the affair was exposed and her husband does know) He is angry but is so in love with her that he wont leave
Her life is like one big epidode of sex in the city right now.
and the bad part is that I don't think she truly deep inside wants to end her marriage because there is an insecurity there (although, she is very attractive, witty, smart and very successful) She still has insecurities. When she confided that in me, I was a bit surprised because on the outside, she alludes confidence and security.
I think she wants her cake and wants to eat it too. She wants her husband and kids at home but she wants the boyfriend and the excitement also.
She has outgrown her marriage. She feels so guilty inside

God made us all with erotic desires. It is a reality of life. People have affairs everyday. Is it right, Is it moral? We all know the answer is no but does it happen? of course, it does

I think she knows that even if she ended the affair, her marriage could never go back to the way it was. The trust wouldn't be there. Also, if it wasn't this guy that she had an affair with, it probably would have been someone else

Why? not because she is a tramp (she definately isn't) but she was unhappy, there was a huge void

The actions of both her and her lover broke up 2 marriages (whereas children are involved on both sides) has caused alot of damage but yet him and her are still drawn to each other and can't stay away from each other.

I have been doing alot of reading to try and help her (as that is me, I love to help others find solutions to their problems) so I read all about healthy alternatives and ways she could have changed her marriage but than in other books, I read people don't really change unless they want to. So even if she changed, her husband would want to change to.

I think that females that settle down too young have too much of unlived life (which could cause bad decisions to be made)

It is so easy to judge people that have affairs but unless you were in their situation and walked in their shoes, you probably shouldn't judge

There is no perfect person

Has anyone had a similar experience to the one I shared?

Also, I am going to be honest with you here! If you found this blog because you did a search within a search engine for looking for love in all the wrong places, you are in the wrong blog. You should be visiting my relationship blog reading about the stages of a relationship
Here is the link if you wish to read a little more :-)

Of if you just want to laugh, check out my funny facebook status update blog
funniest facebook statuses