The harder I try, the harder it seems to be to keep a live where I am keeping my inner peace. I know this sounds crazy but I want that happy feeling. I don't want medication but I struggle with it. I still feel anxious alot. I feel OK but not great, not sad most days but I want to get past just feeling OK.
I just want to tell someone my phobias and they tell me how to fix them and make the go away :-(
Somedays, I feel so good but other days, I just want to come home at night and drink more wine than I should than feel like crap the next day. This is what I want to run away from. I want to feel even. I want to actually enjoy the stuff I am doing and get away from the negative office I work in. I know I can but I think it all boils back to fear and the need of security :-(
As the marriage is coming closer also, I am feeling more anxious. I think that is my whole dreaded fear of being committed or abandoned.