Friday, July 30, 2010

inspirational Motivatio

Why does it take a tradgedy for people to realize what really matters in life? Dont take what you have for granted it might not be there tomorrow and that will be a real tradgedy!

I really don't have much to type about tonight but I don't want to just type when I have bad days (especially when I search so hard for the inner peace)  The hard part is I type more when I am doing bad.  LOL< the more I study, the more I work at it, the better things are so I don't feel as much to vent

That isn't how I want it;  I want us all to travel together.  I am going to have my really positive weeks but I am also going to have my setbacks  :-(
Let's do a motivational quote.  I still feel that if everyone did this every day  (when you get up, you set a motivation for the day)  people would be in better moods so here is just a tad of motivation

There is only one success......... to be able to spend your life in your own way

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Maryland Crabs are the BEST- Good week this week

A very good week for me so far.  Everything going on an emotionally good level.  My insomnia issues even seem to be getting better somewhat.  I think this self help journey is helping me.  I haven't had any wine at all this week   LOL.  Not that I have ever been an alcoholic but there have been quite a few times that I have drank wine to help me calm down or sleep.  I am feeling good.  I have enjoyed my time this week.  Although I have been somewhat busy building my partylite business  (I am enjoying doing that also)  These home shows are fun. We play games, I meet new people and make money for just having a party.  It's pretty cool.  There is NO Stress  (Unlike my full time job that will probably end me up in the nutty bin if I don't get out of there  :-(
Me, my daughter, my fiance and my co-worker and her husband went out for crabs tonight.  They were so good and had the best seasoning so that was a nice little get together
I made money in the stock market  (so that made me happy)  
Spent alot of good time with my daughter (that makes me happy)

I don't just want to post about my bad days  :-(   As this is my journal of  my journey

Inspirational quote for the day  
Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do which must be done  :-)
Busier people don't have time to be unhappy    That is what I am learning.  

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Another Crazy Day at the Office ARGHHH

I really wish I could take a secret camera in my office and videotape and play it all over YouTube so the people acting crazy in the office could see themselves.  I could probably make a million bucks because nobody would believe the things that go on around there.  I couldn't even make the stuff up if I tried.  The one lady throws a fit because there was a mouse in the office and she thinks everyone thinks it is her fault.  Really??  Seriously??  Life is too short.  I don't tolerate temper tantrums from my 11 year old so when you go to work and 40 and 50 year old women are banging, slamming and talking about how stressed they are (Note:  They have no kids, good jobs)  They have no real stress.  It is just ridiculous. 
Everyday, you walk in there and the atmosphere is miserable  frowns frowns
It does something to your inner zen
I told my boss today that we needed to make it office policy that everyday when employees come in, they need to write a motivational inspiring comment for that day and they have to turn it in by 9AM

I would like to just buy a huge supply of ritulin or valium and stick it in people's drinks   LOL

Anyhow, here is some inspiration for today
Trust in yourself.  Your perceptions are often far more accurate than you are willing to believe

OK, off to go bowling.  Subbing again for the team with the little man that cusses and slaps his ears whenever he misses a shot    Yeahhhhhhh   Some humor for the day

Than my show comes on tonight,  Teen Mom-  I just really like that show

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sometimes I feel like I am a bit bipolar

The harder I try, the harder it seems to be to keep a live where I am keeping my inner peace.  I know this sounds crazy but I want that happy feeling.  I don't want medication but I struggle with it.  I still feel anxious alot.  I feel OK but not great, not sad most days but I want to get past just feeling OK. 
I just want to tell someone my phobias and they tell me how to fix them and make the go away  :-(
Somedays, I feel so good but other days, I just want to come home at night and drink more wine than I should than feel like crap the next day.  This is what I want to run away from.  I want to feel even.  I want to actually enjoy the stuff  I am doing and get away from the negative office I work in.  I know I can but I think it all boils back to fear and the need of security  :-(

As the marriage is coming closer also, I am feeling more anxious.  I think that is my whole dreaded fear of being committed or abandoned. 

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Funny Inspirational Quote of the Day

Sometimes I just need to laugh. 
I saw this one facebook today and just rolled

The reason the grass seems greener on the other side is because it's been fertilized with bullshit

Chicken Soup to Inspire

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood"

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

"Aging forces us to decide what is important in life"  
(The truth in this statement is frightening  :-)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Oh- What a day- Everyday is a journey

My life--  Wow, sometimes I feel like it could be one big reality TV show.  The only difference, it is real, I'm not rich and not getting paid for sharing it  LOL  (again, this is my free therapy)
This is my journey, my real journey in self help.  Everyday can seem like a real challenge. 
There is an old saying "somedays, you eat the bear and somedays, the bear eats you"  The damn bear got me today 
I wake up this morning  (that's a good thing)  I get ready for work and take my daughter to my mom's for the day.  My mom was off today so she babysat.  I go to get in my car from my mom's and the car wont start  (battery died)  so I borrow my mom's car.   On the way to work, I accidentally hit the seat heat on in her car and have no idea how to turn it off.  Riding to work for 22 minutes with the seat making my butt sweat.  (note:  It is summer where I live and has been very hot)  so I get to work and my dress slacks are literally wet on my backside because of the heated seat  (which is leather)
Than I go into the negative office I work in (which if you read my previous blog posts) than you know that I work in a negative office where you have 40 and 50 year old adults throwing temper tantrums and are constant pessimists and I had to get every customer today that took nasty pills  (Seriously, is it necessary to be so nasty to people).  I get yelled at for their real estate taxes increasing  (Note:  We are the mortgage company, I just want to scream  "call your congressman, call your county)  8 hours at that office felt like 20. 
So needless to say, I came home in bad mood   (frowns)
Than, I subbed on my step dads bowling team tonight.  I haven't bowled in a few months.  Didn't bowl too bad   172, 169, 189.  OK  Average 177 (so not bad) but I got a good laugh.  The team was doing bad and there is a little elderly gentleman that bowled on the team and he would get so mad everytime he got an open that he would curse and slap his ears.  I could do nothing but laugh  (not where he could hear me though haha)  I was scared that he might come slap my ears too  LOl

but at least, I laughed.  :-)

With all the stress today (plus I have gained a few pounds since I quit smoking 3 1/2 months ago)  I can feel it in my clothes, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself today.  :-(
Even though, my life is good right now compared to so many others out there

Everyday is a mental journey to me.  I often feel people take advantage of my niceness.  I really need to work on the healthy selfishness bit.

I am feeling a bit stressed tonight.  My mom hasn't been in good health recently  (If you read my previous posts than you know about the cancer and her past life)  She is such a great person.  I am taking her to get an endoscopy tomorrow.  Keep her in your prayers for me.

I have had too much loss in my life and my mom is truly the wind beneath my wings.  She has survived a hard life but is yet one of the sweetest, kindest people you can meet.

I hope all is OK.  She has lost like 40 pounds in 6 months.  She is looking frail.  She has had alot of tests done recently and nothing is coming back wrong.  Hopefully, the endoscopy shows us something.  I feel something is not right and very worried. 

Cross your fingers for me

Somedays are good, somedays are bad but in all honesty, nobody really wants to hear about my hardships.  Only when I am joking and laughing.  That is why I love writing on this blog.  I can just talk. Nobody has to read it but I feel I talked about it and it helps me.  It is the diary of my life  (kind of like the diary of a madman)  only I am female

Smiles-  Good Nite All

If you really knew me

Wow, I am watching this show right now on MTV called If you really knew me. I think this is the season premiere of it.  It is so powerful in words.
"If you really knew me"  What a powerful quote that is

For a bunch of great inspirational quotes, visit the home page of the blog
Here is the link

or if you just feel like laughing tonight, check out my blog with funny facebook jokes Here is the link

Monday, July 19, 2010

Inspiration from Facebook

I love facebook.  I am like a total facebook addict.  I have reconnected with so many people from high school etc and I read so many funny things on there and inspirational also  :-)  Saw this quote tonight and I liked it. 

There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the pointless drama and people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus on the good. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Manic Monday!!! New scam to be on alert for

Oh my, Monday's can be such a downer sometimes.  (especially when you go into an office that half the staff are pessimists)  I keep telling myself that I will be out of this 9 to 5 rut soon!!!  Hard Work, Hard Work

After work was nice, my daughter and I went to get a manicure and pedicure.  We enjoy that and it is some quality time together

Didn't go jogging today because it was just too darn hot out.  Hard to go jogging in almost 100 degree weather.  I guess I could have done some exercise in the house but reality (no excuses LOL)  I was just too damn lazy tonight.   That negative office I work in can drain me mentally sometimes.  (actually, the whole mortgage business can be downright draining sometimes).

On another note, here is my inspiration for today that I want to share with you 

"If it's to be, It is up to me"
Take 100% accountability for where your life happens to land at this moment. Don't be a victim, be a victor!

Also, a scam for all female drivers to be on alert for   (Here is an email forward that I received today"

Subject: New scary warning for women driving alone

;Ladies please take note of the following gang initiation tactic, >please discuss with female colleagues who do not have email

BE ALERT: Wayne County Sheriff's Department - VERY IMPORTANT FOR >WOMEN TO READ .

On the way to Canton , driving on Michigan Avenue , on Thursday >morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the road with a >blanket draped over it. I did not stop, even though I had all kinds >of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my >destination, I called the Canton PD and they were going to check it >out. This is what I was told...

"Several things to be aware of .. gangs and thieves, are now >plotting different ways to get a person to "stop" their vehicle.

"There is a gang initiation reported by the local police department >that gangs are placing a car seat by the road...with a fake baby in..waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the baby.
Note that the location of this car seat will usually be beside a wooded or grassy (field) area ...and the person - woman - will be dragged into the woods- beaten and raped- usually left for dead. DO NOT STOP . DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW.


Please talk to your loved ones about this. This is a new tactic used >and I would hate for anyone to fall victim to this kind of crime.

Please be safe

Happy Monday to all

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Awesome Rest and Recharge Day

I had a do nothing day today  :-)  I actually watched about 12 episodes of the show of Teen Mom on MTV.  That was an awesome show.  My daughter watched a few episodes with me.  She will be 12 in September and I think that is a great show for young girls to watch
There are too many babies having babies in the world and hopefully, the show helps younger girls realize that parenthood is hard and helps to promote abstinence and safe sex

Still working on getting the partylite business kicked off. 

"Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself"

Found this one today and it is very true

Friday, July 16, 2010

Joy of Summertime and watching children play

My daughter has a friend sleeping over tonight. It is one of her best girlfriends from school. They haven't seen each other in like a month so the talking and giggling is nonstop (LOL- Instant headache) They have been swimming all night. We ordered some pizzas and getting ready to settle in for a movie shortly.

Nothing brings me more joy than seeing huge smiles on my daughter's face.

This is my motivation for the day. Watching my baby enjoy her childhood and making good memories.

Have a great weekend   (My daughter and her bff night swimming)    So much fun!!!!!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The song Freebird and the affect Freebird it has on me

Wow. Just got done writing my life story down as I am searching for self help. I do the exercises ( as I write on my blog) so I went outside the whole exercise and wrote my whole life story. I cried, I laughed, I did what I needed to do for myself to move on.
Of course, I didn't do this until my daughter went to bed at 9 30.than I hit on the stereo down low (that helps me in my writing)
Well wrote my story Cried and Laughed than was getting ready to log off and the song "freebird" came on by Lynard Skynnard. We played that song and "Never Say Goodbye" by Bonjovi at my brothers funeral in 1988. We let balloons go. Those 2 songs have always been extremely hard songs for me but tonight was weird, I haven't heard Freebird in a long time but right as I wrote my life story, cried and ready to move on to live my unlived life, I go to turn off the stereo and freebird comes on. Well of course, I can't turn it off and I just listen and cry again. He died in 1988 and I can never lose the sadness of his loss. Is it normal at this point 22 years later. It's not normal to still mourn as I do

Remember, as you read my journey blog, I am going to screw up :-)

I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist. This is just my own diary of searching for inner peace. You are going to see my strive and try to be a philosopher LOL but you are also going to see me mess up but that is because it is my journey.

I want you to join me, help me, work together. It's always best to work together in teams :-) but when I do have a day that I totally screw up, please don't judge me. I am basically a weed that is trying to grow into a flower :-) so be easy on me. Love you all (whether I know you or not) If you are joining my blog to follow along and help me or even just laugh at me as I try (as long as you are laughing with me and not at me) I thank each of you. I need some help. I just don't want to pay a psychiatrist

Hard to find balance with an overwhelming smell of deviled eggs

Hard to find balance with an overwhelming smell of deviled eggs

Goofy post huh?? Wouldn't be if you were at my house right now. We are having an office party (customer appreciation) at work tomorrow and I just had to make 4 dozen of deviled eggs ARGHHH. If I smell another egg tonight, I am going to seriously puke LOL Don't get me wrong. I love deviled eggs but I wont be able to eat them for a while now

Hard to keep a level, balanced head when egg smell clogs you up but I am going to try tonight.

I am still on studying my unlived life so that is where tonights inspirational motivation hails from. From all the research I have been doing and just different motivational soul searching mental exercises, I have self diagnosed myself with a trust issue. I think I have had so much hurt and disappointment in younger years that I have a very hard time letting people get too close to me. I have lots of friends but I always have that barrier.
How do I get past that? How do I let go of those insecurities?

The following are my goals:
to surrender old limitations

Enhance friendships, family and career

Mastering the art of feeling truly alive in the present needs and respecting and caring for my own inner needs (back to healthy selfishness)

Everyday I work at the inner peace thing, I exercise more, I try to remove myself from stressful situations and not dwell but the more I work at this, the more it feels like a job.

How can it just flow naturally

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Finding yourself in today's complicated world

Answer the following questions

What are your strengths?

What do you love about yourself?

What do you stand for?

What do you love most about your family and kids?

What do you love most about you?

Who is the best you?

Write a description of who you are. Write your own story.
When you read your own story, do you focus on the positive and negative? Do you dwell on your strengths or your weaknesses? What is your perspective?

Now go back and rewrite your story.

Happiness begins when you learn to accept the fact that you are loved and valued for who you are, not what you do

Inspirational Quote of the Day

"Everything depends upon execution; having just a vision is no solution."

Coping with failure

In midlife, we come face to face with our failures and losses. As we age, we are confronted by limitations. We may remain on the sufrace of life or we many learn that existence is much deeper and less controllable.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

All about me

I tell bits and pieces of myself in different posts. I wont come out and tell my life all in one because I have to build a trust. I will tell you this. Did I have a tough childhood? YES Have I blamed any bad actions on that childhood? NOOO Do I blame that bad childhood for the strong, independent person I am today? YES. It taught me to fight. I knew it wasn't right and I didn't cower beside it and follow I knew I Wanted better in life and that I deserved so much better so I went after dreams, I worked hard, I made a life for myself and my family. That is me That is who I am
There is a saying " I'm a child, I'm a daughter, I'm a lover, I'm a mother and I am a protector. I guess mold all that together and that is me. Hurt my child or my family and watch the mean person I can become. When things are good, I focus on self help and helping people but don't strike close to me because the old side of me (that I keep buried away- The old city side) will come out. I am a mother, I protect my young. I am a wife (or soon to be wife) I protect the spouse. I protect our home. I don't want anything causing disruptions within our walls. I protect that

I listen to the awful storm right now and I think of my sleeping family. My dog and cat laying next to me sleeping. Each waiting to go into big bed 2 sleep. My precious daughter asleep and my fiance (god bless him) It is his birthday and he is sick as a dog. Poor Timmy
I love my family

You can say the word NO and feel good about it

We go back to healthy selfishness
No is a very simple word. A complete sentence actually. No is one of the shortest words in the english language, yet one of the most difficult for people to say (especially women) Why is it so much easier agree sometimes than to just say what we are really feeling NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think saying no for us women sometimes is so hard because of our deeply rooted need for connection. We want to be considerate without jeopardizing the relationships we value or perhaps we are too concerned with being liked or valued

Again, Healthy selfishness is imperative

Monday, July 12, 2010

Looking for love in all the wrong places

Suppose you fall in love with someone outside of your marriage. I am helping a friend through this right now. She is married with 2 children. She has been with her husband for 10 years (She was 20, he 35) when they met. Her children are 7 and 3. She is 30, he 45 now
She had advanced tremendously in her career and as she has grown both emotionally and financially, he has become settled and lazier. She is a mortgage loan officer and had an affair with the owner of her previous company. This has been going on for 6 months (the affair was exposed and her husband does know) He is angry but is so in love with her that he wont leave
Her life is like one big epidode of sex in the city right now.
and the bad part is that I don't think she truly deep inside wants to end her marriage because there is an insecurity there (although, she is very attractive, witty, smart and very successful) She still has insecurities. When she confided that in me, I was a bit surprised because on the outside, she alludes confidence and security.
I think she wants her cake and wants to eat it too. She wants her husband and kids at home but she wants the boyfriend and the excitement also.
She has outgrown her marriage. She feels so guilty inside

God made us all with erotic desires. It is a reality of life. People have affairs everyday. Is it right, Is it moral? We all know the answer is no but does it happen? of course, it does

I think she knows that even if she ended the affair, her marriage could never go back to the way it was. The trust wouldn't be there. Also, if it wasn't this guy that she had an affair with, it probably would have been someone else

Why? not because she is a tramp (she definately isn't) but she was unhappy, there was a huge void

The actions of both her and her lover broke up 2 marriages (whereas children are involved on both sides) has caused alot of damage but yet him and her are still drawn to each other and can't stay away from each other.

I have been doing alot of reading to try and help her (as that is me, I love to help others find solutions to their problems) so I read all about healthy alternatives and ways she could have changed her marriage but than in other books, I read people don't really change unless they want to. So even if she changed, her husband would want to change to.

I think that females that settle down too young have too much of unlived life (which could cause bad decisions to be made)

It is so easy to judge people that have affairs but unless you were in their situation and walked in their shoes, you probably shouldn't judge

There is no perfect person

Has anyone had a similar experience to the one I shared?

Also, I am going to be honest with you here! If you found this blog because you did a search within a search engine for looking for love in all the wrong places, you are in the wrong blog. You should be visiting my relationship blog reading about the stages of a relationship
Here is the link if you wish to read a little more :-)

Of if you just want to laugh, check out my funny facebook status update blog
funniest facebook statuses

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Free Crockpot Recipe of the Day

Free crockpot recipe of the day
Pizza Potatoes
6 medium potatoes, sliced
1 large onion (thinly sliced)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cups grated mozzarella cheese
2 ounces sliced pepperoni
1 tablespoon salt
8 ounce can of pizza sauce

* Saute potato and onion slices in oil in skillet until onions appear transparent Drain Well
* In crockpot, combine potatos, onions, cheese, pepperoni and salt
* Pour pizza sauce over top
* Cover- Cook on low 6 to 7 hours or until potatos are soft

and that is your free crockpot recipe of the day

What is happiness?

What is happiness?

Start a happiness diary.Write down all the time you feel happy and give the reason if you can work it out. You will discover things about your own happiness that will astonish you.

If you feel extremely happy, you are extremely happy but here is something interesting to remember. If you feel fed up or depressed, you may not be as low as you think. When depressed people are asked to keep a "happiness diary" Keeping a note of everytime they feel happy and why. They can often fill the entire page a day

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Inspirational Motivation Test

Questions to ask yourself
What or who inspires you and why? Are you living according to what inspires you the most?
What was your childhood dream and what happened to it?
What changes would you need to make to ensure that what inspires you becomes more of a guiding principle in your life?

Test for the upcoming week: Pay attention this week to the things that claim your interest. Notice if any of these things draw your attention because they inspire you.

Let me know how you do

Inspirational Words of Encouragement for Today

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Good Morning all
Hope everyone is enjoying their saturday morning. Rainy day here today. I was so glad to see the rain this morning. It has been so hot and dry here. The grass was starting to turn brown (Yuck, a downer) plus, once in a while, I like to have a morning where I have an excuse to lay around and do nothing like watch TV in my PJ's AWESOME :-)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Daily Positive Thoughts

Daily positive thought for the day

After a long day at work today, I am finally home. I need a little positive thinking this evening. I am a mortgage processor for a small Savings and Loan. I have been there for 15 years and when you work at a small place, you learn to wear many hats.
One of the employees called out sick today (when it was her Friday to work late) Different employees alternate. She is one of the tellers and we were so busy today because we were closed yesterday for an annual employee outing. She was overheard saying she was going down the beach this weekend and she was drinking in the hot sun yesterday.
Well, needless to say, our office only had 10 employees in it and 3 other ones were out today already (scheduled vacation) so this girl calls out. The thing that really ticked me off is that I really doubt that she was sick.
We all call out at times when we aren't really sick but when you know we are already going to be shorthanded and you call out and stick the other girl (who has been having severe back problems) to work late for you, it is just rude. If she wasn't in the hospital, she should have been there today.
I almost want to tell her that we need a doctor's note from her. (She seems to call out alot on Fridays and Mondays)

I try to tell myself that she is only 23 and it is age etc (you know doing all my positive thinking) but it is still rude and inconsiderate and left a big burden on us other employees.

Now, I am going to have to call her in for a sit down on Monday with the vice president and talk about absenteeism etc (as she has only been employed with us for about 9 months) This needs to be nipped in the bud.

Anyhow, let's do our daily positive thoughts

No matter who you are or what your age may be, if you want to achieve permanent, sustaining success, the motivation that will drive you toward that goal must come from within

and that is our daily positive thought

TGIF now time for a little wine, a little facebook and a little "me" time

Happy, Happy Friday

Let's also real quick do a funny thought of the day

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Motivational Inspiration for the Day

Hi all. What is going to be our motivational quotes of the day

Things to remember and try to focus on
* Relationships are the single most important source of human happiness
* Don't "play games" in your relationship
* Don't be judgemental
* Don't project your feelings onto your partner but love the reality. Acceptance is the key to a happy relationship

What did you do today? I took my daughter (she's a tween LOL) to see Eclipse (the third movie of the Twilight series. Ultimate love story. I look forward to seeing these movies. (Only my daughter switched teams on me, I am still team Edward, she jumped ship to Team Jacob

I loved the part whereas Bella was saying how she didn't want to live a normal life because she wasn't normal :-) Makes you thing

I also loved the part where Charlie (the dad) was trying to discuss sex with Bella (haha)That was great

On the way home in the car, my soon to be 12 year old was talking about Jacob having 8 pack abs (what the heck) First, It was always 6 pack abs. I guess 8 pack abs is modern age (we always want more LOL) than I find myself in the conversation with her about the importance of having value in yourself and saving yourself etc (the whole talk thing) I was so unprepared for that one
so than an awkward silence so than finally I just had to say
Courtney, always remember the old saying- Why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free. She looked at me like I had 10 heads and another awkward silence LOL
I think I need to get better prepared for teenage years haha

(of course, there is now a better saying for women why buy the entire pig for a little sausage) Not going to say that to her of course

Anyhow, have a wonderful night

Remember to laugh everyday

Get the life you deserve without the guilt

Join me for my own journey in finding and keeping the inner peace

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Awesome partylite starter show tonight

I have the most awesome friends, family and co-workers. As you may have read from my last post, I went back into the partylite business. I had my starter show tonight and I had the most amazing turnout. My friends, family and co-workers (who also fall into friends category) are just so supportive. It's awesome and we had a margarita party. Kids and husbands were in yard in pool. (and it was a hot one today) and me and the ladies sipped margaritas, saw an awesome partylite display, laughed and had an awesome time.
They are the best so today's quote is about friendship and family

"The most important things in life are your friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life. If you have these then you have everything!"

Going to take my daughter to see Eclipse tomorrow (the movie), very excited. I love those movies but didn't want to go last week because I knew movie theatres would be packed

Good Nite All

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Much better today

Ok so feeling much better today. Spending the evening last night reading really helped me put things back into focus.
Don't have alot of time this evening. I have my unit meeting for my partylite business so have to run. My fiance is growling at me because I am sort of forcing him to go to meeting with me. He is supposed to be helping me with this side business but how can you help with a business if you don't know what the business is selling LOL. Of course, he wont be doing the home shows and presentations, I will but he needs to know something about the business to market it duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. He can be sharp as a beachball sometimes

but just a question and thought for the day

What is the story you are telling yourself about what is happening in your life? What is the reality?

That is something I am struggling with a bit lately. Especially with the upcoming wedding and I think I have a total fear of total committment

My life has been too complicated LOL I think I should write a book

Maybe I just have a trust issue

As time goes on and I get more comfortable with my inner feelings, I will share more.

If I don't get back on tonight, hope all have a wonderful evening.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Little Breakdown

I had a little breakdown last night :-( so I need double inspiration today (as I am feeling blue)
Spent the day today stressed and anxious so I had to read double today on Healthy Selfishness
Healthy selfishness is a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation, compassion, and concern for yourself- by yourself
** Respect your feelings, desires and needs
**trust in yourself, believe in your self. Trust in your own ability and experience
**accept your weaknesses and imperfections without guilt
**Always encourage yourself

Whenver I am down, I love reading about inspiration and just looking up joke. It makes me feel better

It hurts when someone you think is your friend, stabs you in the back

But as my 89 year old boss (who is a very wise woman) always tells me "You will go through your whole life and by the time you are done, you will be able to count your true friends on one hand"
The older I am getting, the more truth I see in that.

She told me this story one time about a woman she knew who died. The woman had pre bought her grave site and premade her funeral arrangements and she gave the funeral parlor a sealed envelope and they were instructed that whenever she died, they needed to open the envelope and put it with the guest book that people signed

The letter said "Where have you been for the past 20 years and if you didn't have time to see me before, don't waste your time now"

I don't really tell the story, the way she tells it because she tells it so well. You get the gist of the meaning though

Healthy selfishness is the key that opens the door to a life of freedom: freedom from being ruled by opinions and demands of others. Freedoms from the voices within your mind, leftovers from your childhook that in the past may have judged and blamed you.

Self Image and Self Esteem How do they fit together?

There is a time in our lives when both our self image and our self esteem are determined by other people. When we are little, our lives are dominated by adults and older kids. We see ourselves as they tell us we are. Good messages, good self-image and vice versa with Bad messages. We respond to what we hear the most. We form a picture of who we are and build our image around that. We tend to become that
As we get older, we need to realize that we have a choice who we become. We mold our ownselves.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy Independence Day

Humans tend to be creatures of habit. We like our routines, and often our lives run in grooves. There is not nothing wrong with indulging in the familiar, it provides a sense of security in our lives. But a life of routine can also become predictable and boring.It can hinder us from the learning the ability to respond freshly when new ideas and situations present themselves

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Learning to Love your Life

As you have read from my previous posts, I didn't have the best of childhoods. I am really going through a self help stage in my life right now. (not that I ever hated life or lived life badly) but I have a daughter whom I love very much and I have worked so hard for so many years. I am tired right now and just want to relax more in my life and take the time to enjoy my only child and enjoy my life. I've noticed that over the past few years, I tend to use alchohol more to relax and have fun when I should be enjoying life in different ways. LOL- you know it is bad when you go to a 4th of July party and everyone around you is getting drunk (and you take a book with you and get more joy by just relaxing in the nice weather, reading, carrying on some conversation and just watching your child swim and play. (The only bad part was I realized just how annoying people are when they get drunk ) LOL Now, don't get me wrong, I am not anywhere near a saint but just realized that I don't need to drink at a party to enjoy myself. That was an awesome feeling (except for the fact that my fiance drank way too much beer and again, it is annoying being around someone drunk when you are not haha but not going to throw stones

Anyhow, as I enjoyed my reading today in the beautiful weather, I thought of some things that were just inspiring to me in my own journey to learning to love my life. My goal is going to be start keeping a journal. Writing down my dreams, reflections and things that I discover along the way. Set my goals.

Ask yourself, do you have a dream or something that you would like to accomplish for either yourself or your family? What steps can you take to make that happen?

You have to trust your inner knowing. If you have a clear mind, you wont have to search for direction. Direction will come to you.

Surround yourself with people that inspire you. Cleanse your life (as you would cleanse your body) Get rid of the toxins. Change people, places and things. Avoid the negative.

As you go through life, you will navigate through the lost and found dreams. Never give up. Always pay attention to your surroundings.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend and enjoying your time here. Enjoying your friends and family.

Don't take life for granted :-))

Happy 4th of July Everyone

Hope everyone has some fun, safe things planned for this weekend.

Inspirational Thought of the Day
Failure is one of life's greatest teachers if we choose to learn from it rather than be destroyed by it.

Failure teaches us humility. It shows us that we are not invincible

Failure teaches us that we can't always get what we want.

Failure teaches us to correct our course of action. It forces us to re-evaluate what we are doing.

Failure teaches us that we can indeed survive defeat.

Most of all, failure teaches us about the strength of our own character.

Friday, July 2, 2010

My life now

Ok, so I just left on one heck of a post of my childhood but I didn't touch on my adulthood much other than me getting married on 10/10/10 I have a wonderful fiance who has cared for my daughter as she was his own,has been with me through my mental insecurities (which include recently finding out about a sister I never knew I had) That is a whole story in itself so you will need to bookmark me to come back and read that whole story (too tired tonight to post) But my life is good right now and I am protective of my family. Those that are close to me always remain protected in heart

Life lessons for living the way you live

Finding balance and serenity.
How do we do that in today's stressful environment.
How do we reduce stress??
It is a well known fact that stress can be harmful to your health, both physically and emotionally
I went to my 11 year old's dance recital tonight at Baltimore Dance Center. Baltimore Dance Center gives an absolute awesome performance.
I especially love to watch the ballet. The feeling and emotion in the dances is awesome.

There was a ballet number to the song "Concrete Angels" and the expression they put in the dance and their faces was heart wrenching. (for those who know the song, the song dwells on a battered child"

We all just stress so much on the things that mean the least.

Stop making mountains out of molehills.
Appreciate the stability that you do have in your life while coping with the obstacles.

Focus on the positive and always remember that while you think you have it bad, someone, somewhere always has it worse :-(

Finding the place where you belong
The universe is holding it's breath..... Waiting for you to take your place

Growing up, my family was very poor and my father was an abusive drunk and drug addict. He showed void of emotion and was also bulemic and me, my mom and brother suffered from every one of his void emotions. He took his shallow childhood and emptiness out on us with the meanest of hands.

I think the best thing he could have done for us is left us as he did in 1986. He cheated and left. That was most likely a blessing. My mom struggled. Oh how she struggled?? My parents married on 10/10/1971. My brother was born on 05/10/1972. My mom just shy of her 19th birthday and my dad of his 21st. I was born on 10/10/1976. From 1976 and so on, what was life for me?? In short of words, Hell on Earth. My dad left in 1986, I was 10. In 1987, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a full mastectomy and full chemo, she was 32, I was 11.
In 1988, my brother was murdered over a $20 marijuana deal. I was 12

Needless to say, my mom nearly had a nervous breakdown. In a 24 month period of time, my mom lost her husband of 20 years, her breast and her son. As a result of all the trauma, sure I suffered emotional losses along the years. (Hell, I didn't choose to be born and I sure don't choose to die- although eventually someday I will) but I do choose my life right here and right now. I get so tired of hearing the old cliche that I did this or that or a crime because I had a bad childhood. Guess what?? That is crap!! When it comes to childhood, mine truly sucked.

Let's fast forward to the present. My mom who has lost her breast, her son, her husband, half a kidney etc is one of the most loving, sympathetic people here on this earth. Guess what, her parents especially her mother was the most cold heartest people around. Her own mother never told her that she loved her until she was 32 years old laying on an operating table getting her breast removed.

I myself has suffered a bad childhood (Nothing nearly as bad as my mom) I did have a bad childhood but you know what??? That is the past and there is nothing I can do to go back and change 1976 to now but I can control my present and future and my daughter's
My mom and I sat and watched Courtney (my daughter- mom's granddaughter) in an absolutely stellar dance performance tonight.

My daughter is into so much (dance, softball, basketball, drama)

and I know that everytime, I look at her. She is the reward of my mother and I (My mother taught me the fighter and positive side). Both my mom and I just glow as we watch her excel in all she does. We relive both our childhood's through Courtney. My only regret is her that I got pregnant at a young age and her father is a deadbeat dad. He is into drugs etc and not in her life but my fiance and I got together when she was five and he has done all the daddy stuff. (althought deep down, I know she feels it) but he has coached all the softball teams, wiped the tears, been to all the dance practices LOL - The mother's at the dance studio know him more than me haha) My fiance has done it all. He is her dad in every shape of the word.

I just hope when my baby gets older that she breaks the vicious cycle with men that both me and my mom went through. Of course, all Courtney's boyfriends have me to go through first (which isn't a pretty sight when it comes to my baby and boys :-) I think I can scare the bad ones away

Although my momhad nothing but trauma in her life, Me and her granddaughter are the wind beneath her wings and my mom is truly my hero

so to make a long story not so short LOL, I don't want to hear, I had a rough childhood so I can't be happy---- That is crap

Take time to laugh everyday, inspire yourself, make time for yourself and your family

Laugh, Love, Forgive, Live

If you read my entire post above, Ironic, my wedding date is 10/10/10
My parents married on 10/10, I was born 10/10, but what I failed to mention is that my fiance and I started dating on 10/10/2004. LOL He proposed 10/10/05 I told him I wanted to marry him but didn't want to marry to 10/10/10 (note: My job that I have worked for since March 16, 1995, I have always been employee #10) I just love the number 10. Well Tim told me back in 2005 that there was no way in h**l that he was waiting until 2010 LOL Guess what, we are going to have the best wedding on 10/10/10 LOL
All the bad memories of my parent's marriage on 1010 are going to be whiped away

Love yourself and love others.

Treat others how you would want to be treated

Inspiration for July 2, 2010

What makes successful people?
Successful people don't find time- They make time

"Time is life. It is irreversible and irreplaceable. To waste your time is to waste your life, but to master your time is to master your life and make the most of it"

Always concentrate on the most valuable use of your time.
This separates the winners from the losers.
What the winners do:
Use Time, spend time wisely, value time, organize their time, treasure time, schedule time and most of all MAKE TIME

What the losers do:
kill time, waste time, lose time, let time slip away, take time for granted

Of course, I am not saying that anyone who has ever wasted time is a loser, we all do that occasionally. I am just talking about people who waste so much time, they waste alot of valuable life