Friday, July 2, 2010

Life lessons for living the way you live

Finding balance and serenity.
How do we do that in today's stressful environment.
How do we reduce stress??
It is a well known fact that stress can be harmful to your health, both physically and emotionally
I went to my 11 year old's dance recital tonight at Baltimore Dance Center. Baltimore Dance Center gives an absolute awesome performance.
I especially love to watch the ballet. The feeling and emotion in the dances is awesome.

There was a ballet number to the song "Concrete Angels" and the expression they put in the dance and their faces was heart wrenching. (for those who know the song, the song dwells on a battered child"

We all just stress so much on the things that mean the least.

Stop making mountains out of molehills.
Appreciate the stability that you do have in your life while coping with the obstacles.

Focus on the positive and always remember that while you think you have it bad, someone, somewhere always has it worse :-(

Finding the place where you belong
The universe is holding it's breath..... Waiting for you to take your place

Growing up, my family was very poor and my father was an abusive drunk and drug addict. He showed void of emotion and was also bulemic and me, my mom and brother suffered from every one of his void emotions. He took his shallow childhood and emptiness out on us with the meanest of hands.

I think the best thing he could have done for us is left us as he did in 1986. He cheated and left. That was most likely a blessing. My mom struggled. Oh how she struggled?? My parents married on 10/10/1971. My brother was born on 05/10/1972. My mom just shy of her 19th birthday and my dad of his 21st. I was born on 10/10/1976. From 1976 and so on, what was life for me?? In short of words, Hell on Earth. My dad left in 1986, I was 10. In 1987, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a full mastectomy and full chemo, she was 32, I was 11.
In 1988, my brother was murdered over a $20 marijuana deal. I was 12

Needless to say, my mom nearly had a nervous breakdown. In a 24 month period of time, my mom lost her husband of 20 years, her breast and her son. As a result of all the trauma, sure I suffered emotional losses along the years. (Hell, I didn't choose to be born and I sure don't choose to die- although eventually someday I will) but I do choose my life right here and right now. I get so tired of hearing the old cliche that I did this or that or a crime because I had a bad childhood. Guess what?? That is crap!! When it comes to childhood, mine truly sucked.

Let's fast forward to the present. My mom who has lost her breast, her son, her husband, half a kidney etc is one of the most loving, sympathetic people here on this earth. Guess what, her parents especially her mother was the most cold heartest people around. Her own mother never told her that she loved her until she was 32 years old laying on an operating table getting her breast removed.

I myself has suffered a bad childhood (Nothing nearly as bad as my mom) I did have a bad childhood but you know what??? That is the past and there is nothing I can do to go back and change 1976 to now but I can control my present and future and my daughter's
My mom and I sat and watched Courtney (my daughter- mom's granddaughter) in an absolutely stellar dance performance tonight.

My daughter is into so much (dance, softball, basketball, drama)

and I know that everytime, I look at her. She is the reward of my mother and I (My mother taught me the fighter and positive side). Both my mom and I just glow as we watch her excel in all she does. We relive both our childhood's through Courtney. My only regret is her that I got pregnant at a young age and her father is a deadbeat dad. He is into drugs etc and not in her life but my fiance and I got together when she was five and he has done all the daddy stuff. (althought deep down, I know she feels it) but he has coached all the softball teams, wiped the tears, been to all the dance practices LOL - The mother's at the dance studio know him more than me haha) My fiance has done it all. He is her dad in every shape of the word.

I just hope when my baby gets older that she breaks the vicious cycle with men that both me and my mom went through. Of course, all Courtney's boyfriends have me to go through first (which isn't a pretty sight when it comes to my baby and boys :-) I think I can scare the bad ones away

Although my momhad nothing but trauma in her life, Me and her granddaughter are the wind beneath her wings and my mom is truly my hero

so to make a long story not so short LOL, I don't want to hear, I had a rough childhood so I can't be happy---- That is crap

Take time to laugh everyday, inspire yourself, make time for yourself and your family

Laugh, Love, Forgive, Live

If you read my entire post above, Ironic, my wedding date is 10/10/10
My parents married on 10/10, I was born 10/10, but what I failed to mention is that my fiance and I started dating on 10/10/2004. LOL He proposed 10/10/05 I told him I wanted to marry him but didn't want to marry to 10/10/10 (note: My job that I have worked for since March 16, 1995, I have always been employee #10) I just love the number 10. Well Tim told me back in 2005 that there was no way in h**l that he was waiting until 2010 LOL Guess what, we are going to have the best wedding on 10/10/10 LOL
All the bad memories of my parent's marriage on 1010 are going to be whiped away

Love yourself and love others.

Treat others how you would want to be treated

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